'Conan the Barbarian' – 0 out of 5 stars
“Conan the Barbarian” is one of those films that makes you physically ill before you see it, one of those films that is not only bad but fully aware of its level of bad.
First off, Jason Momoa has tremendous potential to be a leading man in action films. He has the face, the build, and the lack of acting skill needed to succeed as a leading man in this type of film. Unfortunately, after the success of “Game of Thrones,” he chose this film to showcase his poor acting skills.
The plot — or lack thereof — is simple. Conan is on a mission to kill the man responsible for the death of his father (Ron Perlman). To gain his revenge, he has to deal with curses and ancient army attacks from the minions of Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) and daughter Marique (Rose McGowan). Brutal gore and poor acting make for one of the biggest bombs in recent memory: the film has grossed only $22 million on a $90 million budget.
Sometimes you hear about a film’s release and know it is going to suck. What stings the most about Conan’s failure is that it had two previous films by the same name that it could have easily improved on, but it failed to. The bad acting, lack of plot and cliché violence was acceptable in the '80s when Arnold Schwarzenegger dominated films. The thing about Arnold is that we knew he was a bad actor but he was at least a badass action hero. He, unlike Momoa, had a legacy of action films and a history of bone crushing cinema. Momoa was simply not established enough to fill the shoes of The Terminator himself.
The director Marcus Nispel could have followed the basis of the film, the book Conan the Barbarian by Robert E. Howard and also added his own flavor. Instead he went the safe route along with the addition of 3D. As if we needed more of an excuse to put glasses on and sleep while a sword is dangling in our face.