Column: Turn down the Coldplay
Published Nov. 1, 2005
I was thinking about my college experience this week and how it could be better. The prevailing theme in my list of grievances is a lack of what I would call "campus etiquette."
When I was in high school, I imagined college as a disciplined playground of learning. I never could have anticipated the little things that really do impede my education. I thought I might explore, very superficially, a few of these things here.
The least egregious of the campus faux pas takes place before class, during that anarchic time before the professor takes control of the room. I find frequently that there will be one cool kid listening to Coldplay (or an even cooler kid listening to The Beatles) a little bit too loud.
I have two concerns. The first involves aural health. The other is that it is really a pain in the ass to overhear this person's tunes blaring from four rows in front of me while I am trying to center and prepare for class. Just take it down a notch. That lead singer's voice hurts my head.
Second, I have had just about enough of you winners wearing those music festival shirts. You know, the ones with a list of all the bands who played on the back. This is a problem for me and anyone else who is unfortunate enough to sit behind you.
I can't pay attention to a lecture when I have a list of anything in bold lettering in front of me. I don't give a shit who played at Bumbershoot, who was third place oboe at regionals or when Slipknot rolled into Bohemia on their "Don't We Look Like We Might Kick Your Ass" tour. Yet, it is impossible for me to not read all the text. Let's all agree not to bother the fine people sitting behind us by wearing these shirts anymore.
A little side note on this one: You ladies need to either stop wearing clothes with lettering on the tits and ass, or stop looking at me like I am a pervert for trying to read it. You're obviously wearing the shirt because you think the words are somehow humorous, or perhaps appropriate to your personality. What kind of plan is it to put these words in such inopportune places, where anyone with any curiosity must appear to stare at you to grasp your statement? It's like wearing a sign that says "LOOK AT ME!" and then getting mad at everyone who looks at you.
Ladies, I'm warning you, I will wear my pants that have "slippery when wet" written across the crotch. We'll see how you like it.
The last situation is one that baffles the mind and makes the skin crawl. I am a smoker, and there are occasions when I bring cigarettes to class but forget my lighter. I survey the area around me and spot someone lighting a cigarette. Considering my desperate situation, I ask the person if I can use his or her lighter. On more than two occasions, the answer has been "no." Just no. No explanation, no excuse for his or her selfishness.
This begs the question, what possible reason could they have for withholding? Look at it this way: If you had the opportunity to make someone's day and it would cost you nothing, why not do it? Someone else is going to be grateful, and you'll feel better about yourself. Everyone wins.
You vermin out there who would say no in that situation are not humans. I have no time for you. May your heads grow in the ground like onions.
Contact Dan Friesen Here.