Column:

Kappa Alpha stops Red plot

By Dan Friesen

Published Nov. 8, 2005

I'm a big fan of the Greek Chronicle. I am captivated by the thrilling play-by-play recaps of the inter-fraternity flag football games. I revel in the semi-coherent, wholly irresponsible relationship advice that one girl dishes out. I pity the fool who heeds her advice. All in all, in terms of content and quality, it beats the pants off this depository of journalism majors known as The Maneater.

I've noticed in the publication a number of buzzwords are thrown around more liberally than President George W. Bush's use of "freedom." "Leadership," "pillars of the community" and "beacons of integrity" are some of the expressions used to describe our beloved Greek community. All of this praise is merited, I assure you. They are whom we should all aspire to emulate.

During Homecoming weekend, an incident occurred that threatened to tarnish the image of a heretofore spotless fraternity, Kappa Alpha Order. Now, I don't know all the details of the case, and far be it from me to judge prematurely, but I am sure it will all work out and be deemed a horrible misunderstanding. All you have to do is dig a little into the past to see that Kappa Alpha members are absolutely "tomorrow's leaders of the integrity community."

Last April, headlines were aflutter with reports of the accidental explosion of the priceless Civil War-era cannon outside the Kappa Alpha house. It was seen as a reckless tragedy. After admitting what they did and apologizing, the fraternity's president and vice president were sentenced to two years of probation and 40 hours of community service. That, my friends, is genuine leadership: biting the bullet and keeping the upper lip stiff.

You see, dear readers, the aspect of this story that is too often overlooked is that of patriotism and duty. We often heard "they could have killed someone," without qualification as to whom they could have killed.

Does it make any difference to you that the "almost victims" were "up-and-coming leaders" in Communist China? Does it make a difference that these Reds were here learning English and studying our local government and business operation? How much clearer could espionage be?

The Kappa Alpha members clearly solved this mystery before anyone else and did what they had to. When they realized their mission had failed and the public was not ready to hear the truth, they cleverly feigned regret and sought penance. Sometimes leaders must use clandestine means to achieve great goals.

Now, some of you no doubt are thinking, "What about that incident a few weeks ago when Kappa Alpha President Chip Wagner was arrested for supplying alcohol to minors? Is that the act of a 'leader of the integrity community?'" I ask you naysayers: What is known of the minors in question?

A senior member of the Greek community told me the truth of the story is more grisly than we realize. Do you think you could attempt to disrupt a possible Communist plot and not face reprisals? The minute you take on the Red Menace, you become a target. I have it from a reliable source that these minors were actually under the employ of Beijing. Wagner, aware of this subterfuge, was supplying alcohol to get one of them to blow their cover.

Kappa Alpha members blew the lid off a plot that threatened to kill the very soul of our campus. What the specific goals of the conspiracy were, I cannot say. I can say that I am glad we have such upstanding future leaders of the community on the guard.

Contact Dan Friesen Here.