Column: Summer un-Welcome
Published Aug. 23, 2005
It's over. I'm writing this two years after I skipped out on Summer Welcome.
I was one of the 4,000-odd incoming freshmen who were about to be subjected to a day of utter boredom and forced socialization accompanied by sophomoric entertainment.
First of all, I need you to know I think Summer Welcome is stupid and a waste of time, but I kind of respect the students who work for weeks during the summer to put on the program. I respect their work ethic; it clearly takes a lot of effort. However, I do not respect their finished product — or their sense of humor. I am also suspicious about why the leaders smiled all the time, which gave me the willies. One smiling leader, Craig, came up to me at registration.
"Hey, what's your name, buddy?"
"I'm Dan."
"Hey Dan. Name's Craig. Gonna be a junior next year, communications major. Been on campus two years now. Can show you the hot spots. So we got tours all day, but tonight we're having an ice cream social."
"Ice cream social?"
"Yeah, and then some of the leaders and I are going to put on a little show, maybe do a little improvisation."
At this point, he made the "crazy face" to insinuate things might get nutty.
Craig was trying so hard to convince me he was the coolest guy on campus. Does he think that if I think the big man on campus is my friend, my self-esteem will improve? Does he just need friends this badly? In my years at school, I have met many people who have maintained friendships with their Summer Welcome leaders.
I am very suspicious about these leaders. I do not understand their motivation. I think their smiles and enthusiasm are forced, dishonest and anything but welcoming. I suspect the leaders wanted us to think they're the cool, fun crowd on campus and they were paying attention to us. That would mean we were "down with the 'in' crowd." Everyone wins — except those of us who value honesty, personal integrity and candid, genuine interaction with peers. Summer Welcome strikes me as a bit of a charade, and I am, in fact, too cool for it.
After escaping Craig's braggadocio, I signed up for classes and hightailed it to the back door. As I walked away, I looked back one last time.
"Am I being pointlessly rebellious?" I said to myself. "I could be missing out on friendships that could last a lifetime."
As these thoughts flashed through my mind, I spied Craig walking toward the door. I turned and broke land-speed records on the way home.
At home, I switched into my swim trunks and went to my friend Matt's house. My friend Burger and I spent most of the day sitting in kiddie pools and drinking hooch. In lieu of an ice cream social, my friends and I opted instead for a night of drinking and intent arguing. We discussed our opinions, defended our opinions and ferociously attacked one another's opinions. It was interaction, genuine and frank.
Incoming freshman, it's fine if you wanted to go to Summer Welcome, or even enjoyed it. But cute social games, faux-obscene songs and boring attempts at humorous skits were the ways we got to know each other in grade school. Aren't we adults now? "Everyone Poops?" "Big Booty?" No thanks.