Column: 'Massacre' a bloody mess
Oct. 10, 2006
"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" is a movie so terrible it should not be braved even with the help of robot friends.
"The Beginning" answers questions raised in the 2003 remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." How did Leatherface (Andrew Bryniarski) and his chainsaw first meet? How did Sheriff Hoyt (R. Lee Ermey) get his job? Aside from Jessica Biel, what semi-recognizable young actress desperately needs work?
The answer to the last question is Jordana Brewster, who plays the film's heroine, Chrissie. By heroine, I mean she is the person who stays alive the longest.
This year's film is like a remake of the 2003 "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." Four young adults get caught in the backwoods of Texas. Leatherface and Sheriff Hoyt make it hard not to get cut in two.
"The Beginning" is slightly different in that it tries to put meaning in this awful waste of celluloid. The two terrorized young men are brothers who are headed for Vietnam. Toss in Ermey doing a drill sergeant routine, and there's a pretentious reference to "Full Metal Jacket." It makes me wish Vincent D'Onofrio had really killed Ermey. There's also the nagging feeling that this movie is trying to say something.
The film does not deserve to reference other movies or attempt to be anything other than the hateful piece of trash it is. Calling this film pornographic would be an insult to pornography.
There is nothing wrong with certain kinds of violence in film. It's not bad when a film has violence for the sake of violence, as long as there's a sort of unreality to it.
"The Beginning" takes its violence seriously. Every degrading and perverted thing the writers can think up happens to these characters.
Worse still, the filmmakers try to convince the audience that these people haven't done anything wrong. In fact, the main characters are portrayed as brave and good. So why should we take pleasure in their deaths?
This is not a scary movie. There is virtually no suspense about who will die. If you've seen enough slasher flicks, you might even be able to figure out how and in what order everyone will die as soon as you see them.
Aside from revolting deaths, the film relies on disgusting images to replace good writing. A pregnant woman's water breaks, and it is full of hot blood. Deformed baby Leatherface is found in a dumpster, swaddled in butcher paper. Hoyt rapes a girl, and she goes insane. None of this, especially not in this context, should be seen.
"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is extraordinarily depraved and unpleasant, and some will like it just for this reason, but that's not OK. It is poorly made and badly acted; it is a terrible contribution to society.
Movie: 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning'
Director: Jonathan Liebesman
Featuring: R. Lee Ermey, Jordana Brewster
Rating: R
Running Time: 1 hour, 24 minutes
Reviewer's Rating: 0 out of 5Ms
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