Column:

I'll show MSA who makes the rules

By Dan Friesen

Published Oct. 10, 2006

Children, you know my struggle. You were there when the public declared me a pervert. You were there when there were calls for my expulsion. We have faced the demon of censorship together.

It was my genuine intention to seek the Missouri Students Association presidency this year.

After reviewing platforms of the past decade's candidates and finding them hauntingly identical, I realized, "Hey, I can say all these things these other people have said."

I'm for diversity on campus. I fantasize about being president, sitting across a smoky boardroom from Whitey.

Old, bloated men in suits that fit them like sausage skin light their cigars with misappropriated campus funds. The dean of admissions stands up and says, "No more minorities. I'm just going to stop letting them in."

The crowd nods approvingly.

At this point I stand and say, "Sir, I must insist that you admit those minorities in representative quantities."

A pregnant silence falls over the room, disrupted by the dean looking at me with the sternest visage and yelling, "How dare you?"

"How dare you, sir?" I shoot back.

So, I decided to run, and met with the advisers in MSA. They provided me with a packet of MSA rules and regulations. Although I support their rules as they apply to campaign finance, I have a hard time rationalizing their views on campaigning itself.

Every poster, writing or Web site must be "pre-approved" by the Board of Elections Commissioners. If you stray even in coloration of your fliers, you are fined at least $25 per "unapproved" flier. And we're not talking about some pretend Monopoly money.

I call bullshit. I want to run a campaign, and I really don't want to check in with the BEC more frequently than I check in with my parents.

So, I decided to run a write-in campaign. Guess what? MSA does not allow write-in candidates.

Now, call me a retarded idealist, but I always viewed write-in candidates as the ultimate sign of a democracy.

When someone who is not even on the ballot can win an election, you have to be positive that the voice of the people is being heard.

The fact that MSA will not be brave enough to accept a candidate who will not play by its insane rules and will not submit to its fines simply shows that those who will be on the ballot will be nothing more than cronies and phonies.

This is nothing more than censoring the messages of those who don't care to dance.

Call me an idealist again, but I believe we have to fight against those things we find to be corrupt or repressive, even if the fight is doomed to failure.

I want all of you who feel the same as me to e-mail the BEC at bec@missouri.edu to tell them you demand the ability to write in candidates for the presidential election.

But my life is not all struggles. It is also about celebration, and as such, I am having a rally at 7:30 p.m. Saturday at The Blue Fugue.

It will be a rally to voice opposition, but mostly to celebrate our freedom of speech. What better way to celebrate the freedom that makes our country great than to welcome to the rally a performance from legendary rap group 2 Live Crew?

I heard that they heard about my struggles against censorship from The Maneater editors and wanted to help me in my cause.

Whatever the case, they know full well about the horrors of the overzealous censors and bring with them a history full of fighting those who wish to silence.

Join me, brothers and sisters. Together, we are strong — certainly stronger than a couple of jackass future politicians elected to be the front men for the university.