Column:

Mark it down: Today is V-Friesen Day

By Dan Friesen

Published Nov. 14, 2006

Children, it is a day of celebration. Although the power-elite will try to tell you that the election is too close to call, I bring other news. I, today, declare my victory.

Campus is ablaze with anti-Missouri Students Association and anti-Board of Elections Commissioners sentiment. It appears the student body has had an awakening - a realization that we don't need these buffoons, phonies and cronies representing our interests. We don't need a student board with a vested interest in maintaining its close-minded vision of the status quo dictating who can or can't run for the presidency.

We are the ones with the power. We are the captains of this barge, and we are going to steer it any way we please.

I'm sure most of you saw the protesters in Brady Commons and around campus last week. You'll see me hanging out with them this week with a big sign that reads: "I've been saying this for the last fucking month and none of these pussies were on board until their candidates got kicked out of the election."

I support Sameera Ali and Kelley Robinson being on the ballot; I have to in order to be consistent. But I have to take this opportunity to have a big "I told you so" party.

In last Friday's Maneater, former MSA senator Chris Long dropped this lovely gem: "Whoever is elected will not be looked at as legitimate." ("MSA election in question," Nov. 10) Really? Had Ali/Robinson not been booted, these yahoos would be going about their business as normal.

What I'm saying is that these protests aren't based on principle. They are merely a reaction to an event, a reaction that is an attempt to undo the damage the event caused. It is a means to the original end — having Ali/Robinson win the election.

My conviction is true. I intended to run, read the rules and cried bloody murder. I refused to run within their system and have not even entertained communications with prominent MSA members that have not involved the dismantling of the machine. My complaints are based on genuine commitment to the belief that MSA doesn't do anything, and its leaders create these rules to keep outsiders in their place, lest they find out that our representatives are drawing salaries from our student fees and doing nothing more than playing a glorified game of grab-ass.

I feel that the first step to correcting this problem and turning our government into one that truly represents is to allow anyone to run for the top position. Fresh ideas, fresh perspective and fresh voices are never a bad thing. Of course, this is far too dangerous a proposition to those in "the club," and since members make the rules, are in charge of the group that interprets and enforces the rules and apparently have no one of concern to answer to, it does not look like things are going to change on their own.

Letting things run their course is criminally negligent in this instance.

But we don't have to worry about corruption, malfeasance, misappropriation of funds, cronyism and racism in student government any longer, because the new MSA Commander in Chief, yours truly, is a stand-up guy who would never do anything questionable. My first official act as MSA president will be to masturbate to some tranny porn, smoke a joint and take a nice long nap. Tomorrow's agenda: bubble bath.