Column:

A column for the 21st century

By Charles Austin

Published Nov. 27, 2007

The times, they are not a-changin'.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession to make in the esteemed pages of this publication. Much like John Kerry before me, I am a flip-flopper. I know this might come as a surprise to some of you who are familiar with just how consistent my views are. I have advocated the use of heroin to cure coughs for well over a century now, and my stance on global warming has not changed since the last ice age.

Be that as it may, I saw something on Fox News network last week that turned my world upside down. Before this fated, fair and balanced broadcast, I can recall supporting Pat Robertson about zero times in my entire life. Likewise, I can't remember a single time Sean Hannity has ever said anything I could take seriously. So it was a battle of idealistically absurd titans when Sean Hannity invited Pat Robertson onto his show, forever changing my stance on Pat Robertson.

Somewhere in the midst of the interview, Robertson declared his support for Rudy Giuliani in the Republican primaries. Exemplifying the hard-hitting journalism Fox News is known for, Sean Hannity held no punches and accused Pat Robertson of flagrant flip-floppery.

You see, some years ago, Pat Roberson declared he would not support a pro-abortion rights candidate, and yet now, in 2007, he has announced his advocacy of Rudy Giuliani. Some time in the last decade, Pat Robertson must have changed his mind about an issue. This is a cardinal sin in politics, and it's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

Upon realizing Pat Robertson changed his mind, Sean Hannity felt obligated to share that he is anti-abortion rights and has been all his life. Aside from showcasing a brazen disregard for journalistic integrity, Hannity demonstrated just how mind numbingly unaware he is of the way that politics — and essentially the entire world — works.

Changing one's mind (a phenomenon known as "flip-flopping" in politics) is so obviously a part of human nature that I feel like an idiot for even bothering to state it, and yet somehow we've developed the bizarre notion that our politicians should be blindly unwavering in their convictions, lest they be labeled terrorist-loving flip-floppers who don't support our troops.

Sean Hannity's ideal candidate, I have decided, is pro-slavery, believes the world is flat and voted for Sanjaya on American Idol until the bitter end. He probably doesn't own a cell phone, and he smokes cigarettes not only for the aesthetic value, but also for the myriad health benefits. In Sean Hannity's America, these are all admirable traits and views.

I'm sure in Sean Hannity's mind, Diddy should still be known as Puff Daddy, The Grinch's heart should be a few sizes smaller and Bob Dylan should never have gone electric. To Hannity, there is something inherently wrong with change, and this is something that is consistently seen within the Republican Party.

The assumption that change is somehow bad is fundamentally ridiculous and undermines the very essence of being fallible. Good leaders will obviously change their mind countless times as new information is presented to them. I can only assume that the belief that good politicians never change their minds stems from a desire to have infallible, unwavering, superhuman leaders who never look back and never regret what they've done. And I suppose that would explain why we managed to elect our current president twice.