Column:

Shocking news: Congress is a joke

By Charles Austin

Published Nov. 6, 2007

We all learned from Schoolhouse Rock that the life of a bill is pretty noble. It's a rags to riches story in which our friend the bill makes his way from hopelessly sitting on the steps of Capitol Hill to being a real law.

Unfortunately, that pesky popular culture of ours has infiltrated even this noblest of causes, and these days, it seems just about anyone can have a bill passed in their honor. Even Brett Favre.

Last month, the House of Representatives passed a House Resolution commending Brett Favre for establishing an NFL record by throwing 421 touchdown passes. Not surprisingly, this bill came from a Wisconsin representative named Steve Kagen, apparently a Packers fan first and a legislator second. The landmark piece of legislation he put before the House was full of relevant political rhetoric like this:

"Whereas on Sept. 30, 2007, Green Bay Packers quarterback Brett Favre established a National Football League record by throwing his 421st touchdown pass."

But don't sell our Congress short; like any high school sophomore who has ever written a paper, they know they need to legitimize the subject with one of our country's most abundant natural resources: bullshit.

"Whereas Brett Favre's 16 consecutive years of dedicated service with the Green Bay Packers has enhanced the lives of the people of Northeast Wisconsin and exemplified the Wisconsin work ethic."

Last time I checked, the Wisconsin work ethic involved brewing beer, selling beer, drinking beer and watching football. If anything, Brett Favre only contributed to the degradation of the Wisconsin work ethic by giving people more reason to spend all their time watching sports.

Anyhow, the House resolved that they do indeed commend Brett Favre for his career touchdown passing record, a resolution that surely only came about after a series of heated debates.

When I heard this story I thought it was pretty ridiculous. But when I actually looked into the matter, I realized this kind of resolution is much more commonplace than I initially imagined. A search of the database of legislature that went through Congress in this year alone returns 18 results for "football." Among the legislation that passed was a resolution commending the Florida Gators for winning the NCAA championship, as well as another resolution commending Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith for going to the Super Bowl and being black.

Now I'm sure these resolutions don't take too long to pass, but that's not the point at all. The fact that they are drafted and passed so frequently is unbelievable and makes our Congress out to look like third graders excited to bring their favorite toy to show and tell. They're exploiting that wonderful blurring of the line between business and pleasure. It seems like everyone is taking part too, as the Favre resolution had 68 co-sponsors.

The problem is that nobody actually cares. I doubt that more than a small fraction of the population knows anything about representatives before they vote for them, and the voting process is very isolated from the political process.

It's easy to go to the polls, vote straight ticket, then go home to your TV and criticize the asshole you just helped put into office.

Our government is touted as having a system of checks and balances that keeps things running smoothly, but as citizens, we need to realize that those checks and balances don't end with the government itself.

We should probably do our best to stop putting idiots in office.

cran7d@mizzou.edu