Column:

Teen movie without teens

By Dan Moore

Published March 9, 2007

"Wild Hogs" is a result of what happens when people from the '80s teen movie generation have to wait 25 years to get their generation. It's far from a brilliant comedy, and it won't reverberate with a college audience, but that's not its intent. It's the kind of exercise in wish-fulfillment that turned Ally Sheedy into Emilio Estevez's dream girl and got Molly Ringwald into a number of perm-headed dream-boats' Camaros.

Our heroes are a dream team of one-time comedy stars who have seen better days. John Travolta is the swaggering wannabe; Tim Allen, as tolerable as he's been since "Galaxy Quest", is the everyman; Martin Lawrence is the ruined idealist; and William H. Macy is doing a good impression of Anthony Michael Hall. Together, they're the Wild Hogs, a bunch of ex-yuppies who ride their motorcycles to a bar once a week in what amounts to a costume party.

The self-styled Hogs live in a sort of '90s sitcom "Pleasantville," in which resourceful wives always save the day after their ineffectual hen-pecked husbands manage to do something wrong. If this were a drama, that would be the premise, and Travolta would be left to make Zach Braff faces into the camera for 80 minutes. But since this is a teen movie, there's a way out: They get on their bikes and ride "for the Pacific."

Teen movie hijinks ensue: Our heroes engage in a game of "bull-slap," which is exactly what it sounds like, get naked at inopportune moments, have problems with women and struggle with the tropes of their age group. The difference, of course, is the age group. Jokes about math class, parents not understanding and sex are replaced with jokes about prostates, children not understanding and sex. The jokes hit about as often as they miss and in grand teen-movie fashion, are sometimes ruined by over-acting. The supporting actors in particular are guilty of some unimaginable mugging at the camera. If this stuns you, keep in mind that director Walt Becker's only other major credit is "Van Wilder," which is not exactly a paragon of subtlety.

No teen movie is complete without its inexplicably angry villain. Reprising the Billy Zabka role in "Wild Hogs" is a gang of murderous "real" bikers who chase the Hogs into a peaceful town. There, the heroes have the usual misunderstanding and then, realizing what's really important, rally to defeat the villains. In a rare, funny moment, the Hogs are knocked unconscious, one right after the other, while they try to make their "I learned something" speeches.

Like a true teen movie, this was made exclusively with its target audience in mind. Jokes about computer illiteracy and overactive bladders might not play well in Columbia, but as far as this sort of movie goes, it's tolerable and at times entertaining.

To paraphrase the Fresh Prince, there's no need to argue, we just don't understand parents.