Column:

Is it over yet?

By Dan Moore

Published April 13, 2007

It pains me to say this, but "Are We Done Yet?" began life as a remake of "Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House," a sophisticated 1940s comedy in the decade's gently ironic mode. Blandings eschewed slapstick in favor of a sort of proto-Ben Stiller slow-burn. It's hard to do in this era of constant irony, but Ice Cube and company have managed to make a movie far less self-aware than the original. But that's the least of its problems.

In both movies, a city family moves to the country, only to be conned into buying a money pit by the local realtor. "Are We Done Yet?," which was hastily rewritten as a sequel to "Are We There Yet?" after that movie's success, trades Cary Grant's exasperated charm for Ice Cube's slapstick, sitcom dad stupidity. In a now shrill and utterly unsympathetic role, Nia Long replaces Myrna Loy, the "perfect wife" of dozens of fast-talking comedies of the '30s and '40s.

John McGinley plays Chuck Mitchell, an amalgam of several Blandings roles. Mitchell turns out to be the realtor, contractor, city inspector and midwife of the small town and boasts of having meditated with "His Holiness," played basketball with the Lakers and competed as an alternate in the 1994 Goodwill Games. McGinley, best known as Dr. Cox on "Scrubs," plays this character as a boasting con man with Ned Flanders's personality. He's the only actor given anything to work with, and he makes the most of it.

Worrisome remake hint No. 1: The children get a much more prominent role in "Are We Done Yet?" than they did in the original. The immutable rules of mediocre family comedy apparently dictate that the children are given their own subplots. Stop me if you've heard these before: A tween girl likes to shop and hates plot point A (in this case moving to the country) but finds a cute boy which makes everything OK. Next, a pre-adolescent boy likes his dad, then hates his dad, then loves his dad thanks to a bonding experience stemming from plot point B (McGinley's Mitchell being a better role model than Ice Cube.)

No one is safe from blame, but it's the script supervisor who has set a new record for incompetence. We are to believe that this family is cash-strapped, but the Cubes drive a shiny, black Escalade. We're also told that a major publisher has given a magazine deal to a publishing neophyte on the basis of an interview with Magic Johnson. Worst of all, "Are We Done Yet?" attempts to create sympathy for Mitchell, its only successful comic creation, even after he has fleeced our heroes out of thousands of dollars.

This is the kind of family movie that has kids seeking out "Grindhouse" as 9-year-olds. The movie is condescending and scornful of its own main character, and parents should be less worried about their children finding their AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted cassette than watching the new Ice Cube spend 90 minutes getting emasculated in this irredeemable mess.