Column:

United Nations: Stop burning Flag Day

By Charles Austin

Published June 6, 2007

I was watching TV a few nights back when a report on the United Nations came on. What I saw shocked and appalled me, and I'm sure you would agree had you seen the report. Leave it up to the liberal media to blatantly insult America, as I noticed the U.N. had on display the flags of many different countries. I'm sorry, but this struck me as outrageously insensitive, given that the U.N. building is located in New York, which is located in the United States of America.

As you all know, Flag Day is just around the corner. As June 14 draws steadily nearer, every boy and girl across this great nation is becoming increasingly flag-frenzied. Usually by this time each year, Flag Day enthusiasm has reached a fever pitch, but not this year. Surely you've all noticed the mounted levels of hostility toward Flag Day in recent years, but never before has the opposition been so tangible. All around me I see flags of other nations, other nations that are not the United States. The liberal media has been cramming its anti-Flag Day agenda down our throats, especially this year, and even I am beginning to feel its effects.

Now, we are all familiar with the tradition of Flag Day. Every Flag Day's Eve, each and every red-blooded American family across the nation sets out red, white and blue fabric and a sewing kit beside the fireplace (but not too close - wouldn't want the materials to burn.) Then, late at night, when the whole family is asleep with candy-coated dreams of George Washington and the principles of democracy, Betsy Ross enters through the family chimney and gets down to business. She sews all through the night, and in the morning, the family awakens to a newly knitted American flag and a heap of gifts, which are of course wrapped in American flag-patterned wrapping paper.

Our grandfathers grew up with this tradition, our fathers grew up with it and I'll be damned if my children don't grow up with it, as well. Flag Day is a sacred American institution, and flag-hating liberals have no place dismantling this holiest of practices. I'm sure some of my detractors would put forth the idea that we ought to celebrate all flags on this day, but this notion is purely preposterous.

This nation was founded a Christian nation, and it has a Christian flag: the American flag. As we all know, this is why our flag has 13 stripes, one for Jesus and one for each of his 12 apostles. (Can you guess which one represents Jesus? Hint: He's one of the bigger stripes.) What many people do not know is that each of the stars represents one of this nation's great presidents. The third one from the left on the top row, that's Gerald Ford. And to his left? Ulysses S. Grant. Clearly our flag is a warning from out forefathers; a warning that there are only seven more presidents to come. Upon our 50th president's departure from office, the world as we know it will end at the mercy of a great catastrophe, whether it be the Apocalypse, Ragnarok, the Rapture or any combination of the above.

But I digress: My point is that Flag Day has a storied past, and it is not only immoral, but also illogical to allow any American citizen to display, wave or even look at another nation's flag in the weeks leading up to Flag Day. Flag Day is one of the cornerstones of this great nation, and it must forever remain intact. It's what Ronald Reagan would have wanted.