Column:

Don't let your ego trip others

By Ryan Beck

Published Sept. 14, 2007

Life is beautiful.

I believe it was around the time I injured my foot by jumping up and down while watching reruns of "The Price Is Right" when I realized I am not the most graceful of God's creations. Excuse me, I meant to say product of Darwin's Theory of Evolution. Wait, sorry, what I really meant was, according to Scientology, I am the result of the manifestation of the universal spirit. Or wait, no, I am the ... oh, why does it matter?

Frankly, it does not. No matter who is right or who is wrong in this creation versus evolution argument, my foot still hurts because Plinko is so damn exciting.

Just because we all have a different idea of how we came to the moment in time we call the present, it doesn't mean everyone should waste more time screaming about the past. It is the past for a reason: It has already happened.

A history professor just rolled over in his grave — excuse me, his or her grave (I've got to be politically correct.)

Don't get me wrong; I think it is greatly interesting to study where we came from and why we are the way we are (he or she rolled back over), but to get all whiny over such stupid differences is ridiculous.

I mean, let's face it: You are going to die. Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but most likely the day after next. That global warming is a tricky one.

I saw a guy in a hospital gown attached to an IV bag sitting on the bench outside, and he was smoking a cigarette while it was raining.

I think we should all be a little more like that guy: Welcoming death, half-naked and attached to a bag of nutrients while enjoying a cigarette. I don't think he really cares about where he came from. He probably only cares about where he is going. And from the looks of it, that place is probably another hospital.

You might ask, "can't we all just get along?"

Of course not. Grumpiness makes the world go around. Sure, human beings can be disgruntled as they wait in line to pay $5 for a cup of coffee, but it's wrong to take the lives of other people wanting to pay $5 for coffee.

A Starbucks caramel macchiato is not that great, anyhow. I think Jimmy Buffett put it best when he said "Human beings are flawed individuals. The cosmic bakers took us out of the oven just a little too early."

You are right, Jim; I like cookies, too.

There are many things to be learned about morality and what have you, but just take an introduction to philosophy class at MU, and you will then realize you have no soul. So, to hell with it — drink up.

Now people: Go debate, point fingers, make faces and hell, pee in somebody's gas tank, but do not hurt somebody else over your ego.

That is basically my point. We are all kind of in this together, and everyone has a right to be happy. It is just plain mean to make somebody feel bad for personal gain. It takes too much energy and, usually, you won't even gain anything.

Now, I have heard the expression, "It takes 37 muscles to frown and only 22 smile." Well, it only takes two muscles to poop, so quit talking shit and live your own life. It is less exhausting that way.

Love, Ryan Beck.