Column:

Debates ease pain of writer's strike

By Rachel Kaufman

Published Jan. 29, 2008

Who needs the Writers Guild of America when you can watch presidential debates in primetime or on YouTube.com because this campaign season is that in your face? You can get action and drama from the South Carolina Democratic debates. If you want humor and unabashed niceties, you could check out Florida’s Republican debate. And if you want substance, well my friends, this is cable television, and substance is not something usually found on television between 7 and 10 p.m., anyway. Do you get substance from Grey’s Anatomy? No. But do you still watch it and discuss Izzie’s actions and Meredith’s reactions? Yes. How does that differ from politics? It doesn’t.

Sen. Hillary Clinton, D-N.Y., and Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., spent Monday’s debate yelling about former President Ronald Reagan. Now, I was out of the country for the last two weeks and was uninformed that Ronald Reagan had become such a hot topic on the Democratic platform.

While bickering with Clinton about Ronny R., Barack accused Hillary of being a fan but was then reminded that it was the other Clinton who was quoted as supporting Reagan.

“My husband did, not me,” Clinton said.

“Well, it’s hard to tell who I’m running against sometimes,” Obama retorted.

This is getting as gritty as a paternity test on Maury — another television classic unaffected by the writer’s strike.

Unlike Maury, this was painful to watch. Maury has a conclusion and as twisted and scripted as it might be, it ends in an hour. The Democratic debate didn’t have a conclusion until Saturday night. It’s like one of those “To Be Continued” shows, except no one really cares until the season finale in August.

Thursday’s Republican debates were less like Maury and more like Oprah; everyone loved everyone and could solve the world and make it a perfect and peaceful place. Take former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, for example, who compared searching for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq to searching for Easter eggs; you can’t find them all, but that doesn’t mean they’re not there.

Strangely though, this was not my favorite Huck comment. When asked by Tim Russert why he did not defend a statement Chuck Norris, his best campaign friend, made about Sen. John McCain’s, R-Ariz., age and ability, Huck quipped that he wouldn’t dare correct a man who could roundhouse kick him in the face. It’s good to know that Huckabee is not afraid to stand up to those who pose a threat. Thankfully, Iran, Iraq and North Korea love the United States and our country remains threat-free.

McCain’s rebuttal to Huck’s statement was priceless. He took this time to mention that Rocky (Sly Stallone) and Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf endorsed him, thus giving him the manpower needed to defeat Huckabee and Norris.

Thursday’s debate didn’t result with any spars or insults that made the audience wince and say “ooooh,” but overall, the candidates remained as even-tempered as a bunch of old white men in Florida could be.

Hopefully, the Writer’s Guild never resolves its problems, because I’m really enjoying my sole source of drama and humor.