Column:

A Horatio Alger story for the 21st century

By Charles Austin

Published Nov. 10, 2008

Before he died in 1899, Horatio Alger wrote approximately 270 novels, making him the John Grisham of his day. The entire body of his work can be summed up in about a sentence or so, and that sentence would mention how his stories were rags-to-riches tales of making it in America.

Never since has anyone captured the true essence of the American Dream as succinctly and repetitively as Horatio Alger. But the way we do business in this country has changed in the century since Alger's time, and a successor to his throne is long overdue.

So, without further ado, I bring you a sneak peak at my upcoming novel, "The Young Boy Who Achieved the American Dream," a story about a young boy who achieved the American Dream.

Tommy was an average American boy. He was 35 pounds overweight and loved video games with his whole heart, corroded arteries and all. One day, little Tommy wanted to buy a video game, but his mother instilled in him values, rather than buying him the game.

"Tommy, if you want that video game, you're going to have to work for it," she said.

So Tommy did just that. He opened up a lemonade stand. And, soon enough, people from all around the block were handing over a dime each for a cool glass of lemonade.

"Work sure is boring," Tommy thought. But then he had an idea. He realized he could pay the young Mexican boy down the street a nickel an hour to work the lemonade stand for him. He would still receive nearly all of the profits, just so long as he got more than one customer an hour.

Tommy's plan flourished, and soon he was making dollar after dollar without so much as lifting a pudgy finger from his Xbox controller.

Then, one day, a distinguished-looking businessman dropped by to compliment Tommy's efficient business model.

"Say," the man said, "How would you like to come work for me, delivering papers?"

Tommy was ecstatic at the opportunity to make more money. After all, video games were expensive, and Tommy needed lots of them. The man gave Tommy a paper route, but the job was boring and tedious.

But, then, Tommy had an idea. In his small, American town, there were two papers, the Post and the Tribune. Tommy realized he could give all of his Tribune papers to the boy who delivered the Post on the same paper route. The boy would simply drop off the Tribune at the other houses that he was already passing while delivering the Post. In exchange, Tommy would give the boy 15 percent of his salary. The boy gladly accepted, and Tommy once again was free to play video games.

Tommy built up quite the resume in this manner, working his way up the ladder as an intern, an employee, a manager, a CEO and, finally, as the head of a large investment bank, where he made millions of dollars each fiscal quarter while his company made bad loans to people who couldn't repay them.

"I have lots of money, and I have achieved the American Dream," said Tommy, now known as Thomas. "And when all this sub-prime lending spirals out of control and backfires, the government will bail out my company, leaving me to swim in a pool of money, kind of like Scrooge McDuck from the loveable Disney cartoon, 'Duck Tales.'"

Tommy was right about everything. He always was. He was living the dream, after all.