Column:
How to be a gentleman
Published Dec. 1, 2008
Last week, I headed home to the land of super-sweet tea, deep-fried Thanksgiving turkey and Southern gentlemen.
As we caught up over Starbucks coffee and cranberry bliss bars, I told my at-home best friends about a strange place where men don't wear sport coats or ties to football games.
Sophie looked at me, her brow furrowed in confusion.
"But if the girls are wearing black and gold sundresses, don't the guys look weird in pictures?"
I madly love MU, but I miss Southern gentlemen. Women — ladies — deserve respect; using good manners, gentlemen show that ladies are worthy of esteem.
I do know several well-mannered men here at MU. My friend Jim even has How to Be a Gentleman stacked on his bookshelf. Thank you, Jim, and every other guy who allows me, a female, to exit the elevator first. I appreciate you!
Many other men, however, are not as polite.
And so I've compiled the most important tips.
1. Always open the door for a lady. Always! If you're in a crowd, hold the door open until another gentleman reaches for the door.
2. If a lady cannot find a seat in a crowded lecture hall, bus or coffee shop, for example, offer her your chair. Show the same courtesy to an older adult, to women with babies or small children, or to anyone carrying several bags.
3. Stay closer to the street when you're walking with a lady to protect her from mud-splashing vehicles and would-be attackers hiding between cars.
4. When you're eating with a lady, wait until she lifts her fork before you begin your meal. Do not inhale your food as soon as you sit down — and of course do not begin to eat before you are seated.
5. Offer to share your umbrella with a lady when she's caught off guard in the rain.
6. Always be polite! Showing common courtesy will almost immediately make you a gentleman. Treat people's feelings, situations and ideas with respect and consideration.
7. Do not make fun of a professor or a teaching assistant behind his or her back.
8. Do not curse, especially in the presence of a lady. Please use a word more descriptive and advanced than the F-word.
9. Do not stare. If a lady catches you staring longingly, she will instantly feel uncomfortable and awkward, which could hurt your chances with her, anyway. Furthermore, disgusted stares are rude, unkind and hurtful.
10. Never interrupt.
11. Help a lady put on her coat or cardigan.
12. When you are entertaining a lady, even if you are simply studying together, ask if she needs something to drink or eat, etc.
13. Do not spit in public.
14. If a lady is leaving on foot late at night, walk her home.
15. Never belittle a lady. Ladies, like gentlemen, deserve respect, but respect does not equal condescension. Do not talk down to a lady.
16. Do not send text messages while you are trying to impress a lady. Give her your undivided attention.
17. After a date, walk a lady from her door. Do not honk your horn or call or text a lady to let her know you've arrived.
18. Shake hands when you meet someone for the first time — and since your handshake is a reflection of your personality and character, shake hands firmly but not harshly.
I know some women who don't value or even appreciate gentlemanliness, and I realize that I cannot change their minds with a 600-word column. Men, just offer these ladies your seat in a stuffed-to-capacity lecture hall when they're wearing a can't-sit-on-the-floor-short skirt, that should do the trick.
