Column:
Searching for the perfect roommate
Published Dec. 4, 2008
This week, after returning from a much-appreciated Thanksgiving break, I actually remembered to check my mailbox. Naturally, I found it stuffed full of coupons for Pizza Hut, Hardees and Burger King. I also found several advertisements for bridal gown shops and catering services. How they found out I'm engaged, I have no idea. Sneaky, very sneaky. And finally, lying amid the stash of junk was an envelope from my apartment complex.
It always freaks me out when I receive mail or phone calls from them. I start thinking, "Oh no, is my rent late?! Am I in trouble?! Did my neighbors complain about me?! I will kill them!"
But no, this wasn't that type of letter. This was a letter encouraging me to renew my lease for the 2009-2010 school year.
I don't know about you, but I think this is just shy of completely ridiculous. I haven't even lived in my apartment for six months of my 12-month lease yet, and they want me to commit to another year already? I think someone needs to hold his or her horses.
Because honestly, I have no clue where I plan to live next school year. I live by myself now, but due to my current financial situation (aka broke) I won't be able to afford the $5 million a month it costs me to have my own place. So, it's back to roommates.
Deciding on a roommate is a tricky process. There are a lot of crucial things to consider. I'm kind of an obnoxious roomie. I come with my own treadmill, which I like to walk on while I watch TV, meaning the volume on the television must be turned up to super freaking loud at all times. Also, I'm firmly against sharing a bathroom with anyone. After spending this year with a loo all to myself, I have no desire to go back to finding my roommate on the toilet when I step out of the shower — it's just embarrassing for all involved. And finally, I desperately want to get a dog next year, meaning that my future roomie can look forward to the possibility of steaming piles of dog poo waiting for them each morning. Yay!
In addition to being a tad hard to deal with, I'm also incredibly picky about the qualities of my potential roommate. For example, I can't stand roommates who eat my food. I'm one of those crazy, obsessive calorie counters. I strategically plan my meals out, so if you take one of my cereal bars, you're probably eating half of tomorrow's breakfast. And without that cereal bar, my day will be totally thrown out of whack, and I'll probably go completely insane. Very uncool. I'm also not into roommates who leave their dirty dishes, underwear, trash, etc., strewn haphazardly all over the place. If it's dirty and gross, pick it up yourself — if you don't, it's likely that when you go to bed at night, you'll find it lying on your pillow.
Naturally, with all of these pesky particularities, it can be very difficult to find a roommate whose head you won't want to rip off, and who won't want to set fire to you after only a few months of sharing a space. And then it can be even worse trying to find the right apartment/townhouse/duplex/whatever to suit you both.
If anyone out there likes to eat their own food, clean up after themselves, feels confident that they can put up with a roommate with a freaky treadmill obsession and is looking for a new roomie, feel free to submit an application to me.