Column:

Does anybody really want the Lions to win?

By JJ Stankevitz

Published Dec. 8, 2008

The Detroit Lions are terrible. Yeah, you probably knew that already given their 0-13 record, but seriously — this team is absolutely awful. They've allowed 413 points while scoring just 219 this year, a perfect recipe for futility.

They're not going to beat the Colts in Indianapolis next weekend, and they probably won't beat the Packers in Green Bay Dec. 28. That leaves one game — Dec. 21 at home against New Orleans — as the only game the Lions might win in 2008.

Even then, does America really want the Lions to win a game? This country loves a good train wreck, and the Lions are playing Amtrak with their schedule. Last season, not a whole lot of people outside of Boston wanted the Patriots to go 16-0, and every week millions of Americans gathered in front of their TVs rooting for the Patriots to lose. It was more out of spite than anything, though, part of me was happy that the 1972 Dolphins couldn't have that incredibly pompous celebration after the last undefeated team loses every year.

Football fans seem more mesmerized by the prospect of a 0-16 team than a 16-0 team. If the Lions suddenly win a game, then everybody will go back to not paying attention to them except when wide receiver jokes come up during the NFL Draft.

This year, the Lions are basically good for comedic effect. No matter how bad your team is performing, you can always look to the Lions and see that it indeed could be worse. The Chiefs and Rams are absolutely terrible, but hey, at least both teams have at least one win. As soon as the Lions win a game, they'll move from being that lovable, pitiful losing team to just another God-awful, irrelevant NFL team.

It's easy to forget that Detroit started out last year 6-2, featuring a fearsome offensive attack led by John Kitna and a slew of talented wide receivers. The bottom fell out after the first half of the season, as the Lions went just 1-7 in the second half to finish at 7-9. That means in their last 21 games, the Lions are 1-20.

I'm not going to delve into stats or reasons why the Lions are this bad — it would just be salt in the wound at this point — but when your entire offense could easily be outperformed by about 20 college offenses, you've got a big problem. In fact, if I were setting a line on an Oklahoma Sooners/Detroit Lions game, I'd have to say OU would win by at least two touchdowns — and that's being conservative.

The last team to go an entire NFL season without a win was the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who went 0-14 behind a 31-year-old Steve Spurrier (yep, that Steve Spurrier). I'm pretty sure Spurrier won't get together with his former teammates to celebrate if the Lions win one of their last three games, though.

Detroit very well may equal the 1976 Bucs in futility. And, be honest — you probably would enjoy it. I know I would, and that's not just because I'm a Bears fan. Like I said before, America loves a train wreck, and Detroit has been derailed off the win tracks 13 times this year. If they do it three more times, don't tell me at least a part of you wouldn't laugh.