Column:

JuicyCampus.com is stalked and run by sad, pitiful people

By Dieter Kurtenbach

Published Dec. 9, 2008

We as MU students spend a lot of time on these newfangled series of tubes known as the Internets. Yes, the one with e-mail, that Internet. I, for one, have an outrageous amount of bookmarks and dedicate one hour a day to going through my 14 hockey blogs, eight White Sox blogs and Rock M Nation, which is the only site I need for my Missouri Tigers news. Not to mention the numerous other blogs I peruse regularly, I enjoy the Internet. I can't imagine what I would do without it. No one can.

So it seems that now would be a great time to go out and do a tech edition of my column. I couldn't get back to Chicago to write this column in my mother's basement, though that would make this column much more authentic, so I am writing this in my bed, pretty much as I wake up and before I brush my teeth and shave. If it was 5 p.m., it would help add to the realism, but I have things to do. I can't dedicate my life to authenticity. Sorry.

The real buzz around campus is about JuicyCampus.com, the Web site that allows anyone to release their inner bitch without fear anyone would find out it was actually them saying that "she's a hoe." Gardening analogies aside, the "Cowards Den" as I like to call it, is a great place to learn about things going on here on campus like, "Who's the hottest?" or my contribution to the site, "I LOVE TIVO!!!" And talking about that stuff on an anonymous Web site is so much more simple than gaining a social life. I mean, who wants to go out and talk to people about petty things. No one on JuicyCampus.com, that's who.

I think that my "I LOVE TIVO!!!" thread is really going to make moves. I love my TiVo because I watch Saturday Night Live every week. I also like to go out and do things on Saturday night, coinciding directly with SNL's start time. TiVo allows me to make SNL SMT — Sunday Morning Tivo'd. It's glorious and a necessity, in my opinion, for an actively social TV watcher.

(On second thought my thread might not go over so well with the JuicyCampus.com regulars). In comparison to other campuses I have looked at on JuicyCampus.com, Mizzou is kind of dried out. Most of the threads go by this formula: bullshit, defending victim, defending victim, bullshit, dumb comment.

And besides a friend of mine being named "Mizzou's biggest douchebag" four different times, (we're all very proud of you) the only thing one could really deduce from spending any time on JuicyCampus.com is that people are fickle and jealous.

The controversy of JuicyCampus.com has been exasperated by the idea that MU would follow in the footsteps of Middle Tennessee State University by banning the site. According to the owner of the site, Matt Ivester, who has the credibility of Girls Gone Wild's Joe Francis, claims that doing this is a violation of First Amendment rights, and while that's debatable, two things are not, JuicyCampus.com is stalked and run by sad, pitiful people and really shouldn't be advertised in anyway. And two, talking about banning JuicyCampus.com only advertises it more. Consider me part of the vicious, catch-22 cycle.

Overall, JuicyCampus.com is a breeding place for sad, angry and jealous people who need to get real lives and do their gossip like regular human beings, behind each other's backs.

At least there is some threat of being caught when you talk about someone out in public.