Breathing new life into old franchises

By Charles Austin

Published Feb. 19, 2008

These days, every movie or TV show that is even remotely popular is turned into a franchise that can be marketed in as many ways as possible to make as much money as possible. If you don’t believe me, just think about the fact that there are “Law & Order” video games, “Deal or No Deal” scratch-and-win lottery tickets, books that explain the intricacies of “Lost” and at least 500 sequels to “The Land Before Time.” If that weren’t enough, I think it’s safe to consider Oprah herself a living franchise. Obviously there is a lot of money in making stale, rehashed new incarnations of old properties, and below I have outlined just a few groundbreaking ideas that are sure to increase my cash flow sizably.

'Saved By The Shell' This new animated hit series features the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as you’ve never seen them before: in high school! When Splinter decides that, like all teenagers, the Turtles need a decent education, he sends them off to the mean streets of inner city New York to sharpen their minds. The Turtles have battled some of the roughest, toughest ne’er-do-wells the world has ever seen, but can they make it through high school biology when confronted with the ethical dilemma of dissecting baby turtles for a class project? And when the Turtles discover their gym instructor is none other than their archenemy Shredder himself, will they make it out alive and in time to score some pizza from the cafeteria? Join Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Rafael in an educational adventure full of laughs, romance, action and (of course) pizza.

'Lou Dobbs: Protecting Our Broken Borders' for Xbox 360 The battle to protect America from job-stealing illegal immigrants is headed from our besieged borders to the comfort of your living room! Lou Dobbs takes his keen political analysis from 24-hour news TV to Xbox 360 in this explosive new action/adventure title due out this spring. When Lou Dobbs decides to take matters of border security into his own hands, it’s up to you to punch as many potential illegal immigrants in the face as you can, to teach them a lesson about whose country this is. And when the action gets too intense to monitor from just one location, enlist Wolf Blitzer and “The Situation Room” to get 15 simultaneous views of different spots along the border for 15 times the enforcement!

'Air Bud: Paw and Order' It’s Air Bud as you’ve never seen him before! When the Supreme Court unanimously rules that it is in fact illegal for dogs to play sports of any kind, Air Bud is heartbroken and finds himself trapped inside the house. However, while surfing the Internet one day, he realizes that there is no law that says a dog can’t be a lawyer. Now, Air Bud is taking his humorous brand of human-like antics from the basketball court to the courtroom, where he must battle his way through the American legal system all the way to the top, where he faces off against the big dogs of the judicial branch: the Supreme Court. Will Air Bud get the law repealed and return to his active lifestyle? Or will he spend eternity trudging through the courts, fighting for animal rights? It’s an unforgettable adventure the whole family can enjoy, assuming the entire family shares a love of appeals, affidavits and subpoenas.