Column:

Perfect time for fantasy baseball

By Patrick Daugherty

Published Feb. 29, 2008

We have finally reached that part of the year in sports where you might get so desperate for something good to watch that you consider a Clemson/Miami ACC basketball game grand entertainment or a “must-see.” Don’t fall into the trap.

It is true that baseball season, the NCAA tournament and the NBA Playoffs are all still at least a month away, hockey is in its fourth year of the lockout, and unless you care what Chris Long ran in the 40-yard-dash, the NFL is mercifully taking a break (until the year’s most boring sports spectacle, the NFL Draft).

But true sports junkies know this is the time of year to ignore middling conference matchups and to begin indulging in the long, drawn out goliath known as fantasy baseball. I am no different. I’m as excited as a cucumber to get to drafting all three of my squads and show off my ever grosser (fingers crossed) team names. There are so many exciting questions. Who will I draft in the 16th round this year? Jose Contreras or Michael Barrett? How much time can I spend tweaking my team in class? How much advice can I take from Skip Bayless?

But undoubtedly, if you are a newbie, it can all look a little intimidating or maybe even a little pointless.

You might really want to join a league, but do you really care what Michael Cuddyer’s VORP was last year or how high Ray King’s EAT might climb this season? No.

But don’t let all the silly stats and ridiculous acronyms scare you. These oddball numbers do serve a purpose. Bald 40-year-old sportswriters and fat ex-players on ESPN do after all need a way to suck the fun out of even the make-believe sports. Still, don’t worry if all you know is home runs, runs batted in, strikeouts or HGH. If you follow these helpful hints, you too can dominate a fantasy league and rattle off Jason Giambi’s ASS to anyone in earshot.

Draft people the Marlins have traded or traded for, especially if it is a keeper league. Every player who has been in the Marlins system at any point in his career is either an ex-Most Valuable Player or future Hall of Famer. Just trust me. Scott Olsen might not look like a whole lot right now, but in five years he will have made four All-Star appearances and won two Cy Youngs. And he will be in the American League East.

Draft people who have not appeared in the Mitchell Report or not been the subject of steroid speculation. I know what you are thinking. By not drafting people linked to steroids you are drafting a hard-working, honest player who is naturally talented. Wrong. You are simply drafting someone who has not been caught yet. It is important to remember that literally 100 percent of Major Leaguers are on some type of performance enhancing drug. If they haven’t been mentioned yet, they are good for at least one more season. Sadly, this does mean that Paul Lo Duca might not be the viable option he once was.

Follow trends and ride bandwagons. This means that if Ryan Ludwick hits five home runs in four games that you need to add him and keep him forever. Same thing if Claudio Vargas throws a complete game shutout.