Column:
Avoid ‘10,000 B.C.’ at all costs
Published March 11, 2008
While one would hardly expect “10,000 B.C.” to be considered a “period piece,” or historically accurate, who could have guessed that the story of a prehistoric warrior would be this year’s laugh-out-loud comedy?
Laden in tribal clichés, “10,000 B.C.” earns nothing more than unintentional laughter at the absurdity of the film’s script, actors and lame plot.
Following a tale as old as time (no pun intended) of a mediocre man rising to lead his people, “10,000 B.C.”’s plot is predictable, shallow and poorly conceived.
It is as if director/co-writer Roland Emmerich (“Independence Day” and “The Day After Tomorrow”) saw “Apocalypto” and thought, “This movie could really use giant prehistoric ostriches eating the main characters.”
D’leh (played by the very American Steven Strait) is prophesized to lead his people from hunger and starvation.
Unfortunately, a group of pseudo-Egyptian invaders have taken D’leh’s people and his loved one (Camilla Belle) to be their slaves. Now he must travel to their kingdom, rescue his people and fulfill the prophecy.
But Emmerich doesn’t really seem to invest a lot in the inner struggle D’leh must face on his journey. Instead he abandons character development in favor of CGI prehistoric animals.
Unfortunately, even this investment fails for Emmerich. The CGI and graphics of the locations and creatures are incredibly sub-par.
While the movie posters show D’leh on a cliff preparing for battle against a saber-toothed tiger, the confrontation shown in the movie is epically disappointing.
Even the showdown featured at the end of the film between D’leh and the invaders is anti-climatic. What one would expect to be a 30-minute ballet of death turns out to be a 10-minute let down. All of the blame can’t rest solely on Emmerich, however. “10,000 B.C.” offers some of the worst acting seen by an ensemble cast.
I would have more sympathy for D’leh’s plight if I weren’t so focused on how perfectly white and straight his teeth were.
The length the production team goes to make the actors prehistoric consists of covering them in dirt and giving them Rastafarian dreadlocks.
While the ancient wise men are trying to deliver key plot points about the prophecy, the audience is too busy laughing at their gibberish dialect and cartoonish flailing.
“10,000 B.C.” needs to be avoided at all costs. It lacks entertainment, any glimpses of realism and all forms of enjoyment. If you really want to watch an entertaining look at the past, rent “Walking with Dinosaurs.”
