Column:

Dream foretells a future in television for Friesen

By Dan Friesen

Published March 11, 2008

I had a bit of a prophetic dream the other night. At first, I was hesitant to write anything about it, as there was an eerie, ominous quality to the dream that frightened me. But, I feel stronger now, more confident, and I understand what the dream was about: it was about how I am going to strike it rich.

Throughout my life, I’ve always known that I was destined to amass a great fortune, but I’ve never been exactly clear how. This dream made it clear that my path to fame and riches is through a reality dating show.

As loyal readers will recall, I had thought that I reached the peak of my career as a reality show pitch man when I came up with Sandwich of Rock (still available for production. I’m looking at you, VH1), but I think this new idea might have the potential to be even more awesome and even less marketable to a network.

The other day I was watching that crappy dating show starring that fake Italian guy from “A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.” It struck me during a commercial break, full of advertisements for upcoming episodes of “Rock of Love” and “Flavor of Love,” that all these shows are exactly the same. One person has to choose from a bunch of potential suitors who all live together, fight and get drunk. I decided while I watched these commercials that the genre is in dire need of some innovation, and I think my dream is just the infusion of new blood that could save reality dating shows.

The idea goes like this: There is one person who is in charge of the game and is above the contestants. Naturally, that will be me. There are 12 males and 12 females, competing to be two of the males and two of the females who win, as two couples, and are awarded a ten day cruise. The game master (me) pairs the contestants off each episode to go on dates. This is not to try and make a love connection; it’s so the game master can judge each contestant’s behavior. The show provides money for the dates, but the ideas and plans for the dates are entirely up to the male contestant in each couple. The game master reviews all the tapes of the dates and evaluates each person’s performance, kicking off whomever he wants. There are no set rules or uniform standards for getting kicked off; it’s all up to the whim of the game master, mostly based on who creeps him out.

But, here’s the catch: one of the men and one of the women are post-operative transsexuals, and they are passing. They are in on everything, and have a free pass to the end. This is really what the show is about, but none of the contestants knows. The first half of the show is the competition, wherein the game master decides who is going on the cruises: each transsexual and their male and female contestant counterpart. The second half is the cruises.

I’ve always been a fan of “Shipmates,” the old cruise ship based dating show. The main thing that set “Shipmates” apart from the rest was that even when the people hated each other, they still had to be stuck on the same ship with each other for three days.

It is this very discomfort I hope to capture in the second half of my show.

On the cruise, the “transsexual secret” is revealed. The game master is still watching all the video, and when the winners get back from the cruise, he reveals the next surprise: that he’s been watching the whole time, and is going to reward a cash prize to each of contestants depending on how maturely and sensibly they act on the cruise.

Can you feel the intrigue? Can you smell the ratings?

I can’t really come up with an appropriate name yet, but “What’s My Birth Gender Got To Do With It?” coming this fall to the CW, Wednesdays at 9.