Column:
Musings on Lake Titicaca
Published March 11, 2008
I might be crazy, but if you had to ask me, right at this very moment, what is stressing me out right now, I would say Lake Titicaca.
This morning I woke up in a cold sweat when I remembered my oral project on said body of water is due tomorrow. And now I have anxiety hiccups that register a robust 5.4 on the Richter scale because I don’t know how in the world I am going to make Lake Titicaca into an interactive experience for my classmates that will in turn earn me a decent grade to make up for a rotten Spanish exam.
But while my cerebral cortex is absorbing facts like Lake Titicaca being the largest commercially navigable lake in the world, there is a Jiminy Cricket-like voice, whispering in my ear that it is a travesty for any one to freak out about a South American fresh water lake.
I don’t want to, but when I have to make sure to get my column in by 6 p.m., scale my mountain of Cross Cultural Journalism reading and complete a five page worksheet about astronomical light waves and particles, among other things, it makes appreciating Lake Titicaca’s settlement, Copacabana, somewhat difficult. And in this spring tide of homework, projects and readings I find that I still don’t have a comforting feeling of what I’m doing after college. I don’t know if I will be, to use the parlance of our times, “making it.”
It’s even more difficult to feel like you are going somewhere, that you’ll make it to shore, when the university fits you into cookie cutter majors and throws you a textbook for your lifesaver.
There are always those people you know, like your roommate’s uncle who owns some hotel chain in Las Vegas or your mom’s cousin Susan who takes care of the penguins at Sea World that you see and think, “how in the sam hell did they get that job?” Normally it’s because of a lot of work or more likely a lot of luck and luck is a hard thing to rely on.
I’m tired of being a journalism major. I want something more. I want to major in something that gives me confidence for the future.
I asked my friends if they could create a major in anything what would it be, and not surprisingly it wasn’t anything close to what they were studying.
My friend Jack, a civil engineering major, would like to pursue “studies in silliness,” which would include topics like Larry David’s humor style, Super Smash Brothers strategies and Radiohead research. He thinks this would offer perfect experience in opening his own record store.
My roommate Megan, who is a linguistics major, spends her time phonetically translating words like “hot dog” and “squeegee” but she would rather be in the Marrying Well Program, which would teach her the latest and best methods of finding a wealthy man with an accent.
A “beats” major is what Brian, majoring in history education, wants. The curriculum would train students how to provide the finest beats to rappers around the world. Kanye West would be a guest lecturer and advanced courses in beat making would be available.
Personally, I would be an “awesome humans” major, and I would be part of the Nico studies program, the Chuck Klosterman sequence and take honors Angelina Jolie classes. Then I could finally have a column in Spin magazine, be a German model who sings acoustic European music and be able to donate a third of my income to the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, all while having a multicultural coalition of children. What could be better?
I guess while I’m floating out here in Lake Titicaca, I’ll just keep dreamin’ and hope someone throws me a rope.