Column: Politicians profit from blunders

By Rachel Kaufman
March 18, 2008

Remember last week when I said politics is exhausting and we should think about that when politicians make mistakes? Well, I don’t think that ideology is sitting too well with Silda Wall Spitzer, who isn’t fond of her politician-husband’s recent mistake. I mean, hiring a classy hooker isn’t just for Richard Gere anymore; all the cool politicos are doing it. And while this might not have been the best decision to make, my qualm is not with the scandalous acts of politicians, even though they’re kind of sleazy (by kind of, I mean very). My problem is with the profiteering of these acts and the hypocrisy of their actions as politicians.

This isn’t just about the former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, even though I have been informed by my wikisources that his lady friend, Ashley Alexandra Dupre, has earned up to $1.4 million alone for her downloaded song on MySpace.com. This figure doesn’t include the $1 million reportedly offered by Hustler or Penthouse. I know, classy stuff, right? It also doesn’t include the $4,300 she made by visiting the governor in Washington. But to be fair, $4,300 can only get you a cup of coffee and a croissant in D.C., so Spitzer really did get his money’s worth.

Dupre isn’t the only political lady of the night profiting from her famous rendezvous. Gary “Monkey Business” Hart had a brief stint in this arena, but the most recent faux pas occurred around 1998. I don’t know how familiar you are with former President Bill Clinton, but he was quite the philanderer. This wasn’t exactly one of his best-kept secrets, but he did indeed cheat on his wife, Hillary. Maybe you’ve heard of her — she’s been in the news lately. But you know who hasn’t been in the news? Monica Lewinsky, because she’s busy making purses, writing books and hosting quality FOX reality TV programming. And remember her pal, Paula Jones? Well she made it big in Penthouse and has also appeared on top-notch television programming (Lie Detector — yeah, I haven’t heard of it either).

But not all sordid affairs end in profiteering. Some actually end in embarrassment. Let’s take Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, as an example. No one profited from this except maybe the gift shop at the Minneapolis airport, which can now sell items like tap shoes and reverse peepholes. The only positive thing to come out of the Craig ordeal was a two-fold increase in the number of open homosexuals in Idaho.

Like Larry Craig, Rep. Mark Foley’s political career wound up in the toilet, only not as literal. He had more of a cyber-thing with a young man — emphasis on young — rather than a bathroom buddy. I guess all that work he did to prevent child exploitation really inspired him in his endeavors.

It inspired him in the same way Spitzer was inspired by his anti-prostitution work. Had he not worked so hard, maybe he could have flown under the radar for a little longer. Shame on you for doing your job, Spitzer. On a side note, if you spent a large chunk of your career developing techniques to catch prostitutes in the act, then wouldn’t you be even more aware of how to not get caught? I wonder if he tried the excuse, “But honey, I was just researching.”

All of these scandals just go to show that degrees from Harvard, Georgetown or Princeton don’t take away the inherent idiocy of a politician.

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Column: Politicians profit from blunders

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