Hard Candy quickly loses its flavor

By Lindsay Eanet

Published May 6, 2008

Madge, where have you gone? What happened to the good ol’ days of long, velvet gloves and cone bras? That’s why we loved you in the first place.

Ask most women under the age of 30, and chances are they idolized Madonna at one point or another for her ability to blaze the trail in music and fashion, breaking down all notions of what a female pop star ought to be.

But on her latest album, Hard Candy, Madonna seems to have made the unfortunate mistake of letting other pop stars serve as her bellwether — instead of Britney looking to Madge for inspiration, Madge seems to have taken a page out of Britney’s latest book, taking half-assed sleaze over the seductive sounds that made her an icon in the ‘80s.

In her continuing efforts to make herself seem relevant in 2008, she employs a slew of guest stars and top-notch pop moguls. She consistently takes a backseat to producers Timbaland and Pharrell Williams, who, in making what turned out to be a pretty good pop album in terms of basic dance tracks, have undermined Madge herself.

The album opens with the first of the Pharrell-produced tracks and potential singles: “Candy Shop.” Pharrell’s conga-heavy beat moves the song along, and Madge’s vocals aren’t bad, but they sound uninspired, like she actually has no interest in seducing the dude in the song.

The lyrics ride on the coattails of recent, sugar-centric successes like Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” and include all the tired “chocolate kisses” and licking-the-lollipop metaphors one could possibly want.

“4 Minutes” is proof that when three of the biggest names in pop music — Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and Madonna — collaborate, sometimes the results are actually successful. The song is a bit of a throwback to the tracks on Tim’s last album, Shock Value, but it is by far the album’s most enjoyable and accessible track. It’s perfect for da club and for dance parties, even if Madge is, once again, merely an accessory underneath Justin and Tim’s production.

A few tracks give Madonna some breathing room to show what she’s still capable of. “Miles Away,” reeks of overproduction via acoustic strumming and beat boxing, which here sound about as compatible as peanut butter and tomato sauce. But Madonna shows that she still has some vocal prowess, rising above the beats and actually having some presence. While not her best work, it’s airy and melodic, almost reminiscent of “Ray of Light.”

“Dance 2night” is another collaboration with J-Tim, a funky, sultry club track on which Madonna is finally center stage but once again misses her opportunity to shine vocally or show some star presence, again reminding us of Britney on Blackout.

The flamenco-tinged “Spanish Lesson” is a vocal standout track, but on the other hand, the Spanglish seems forced, her worst attempt at impersonating a Latina woman since she played Eva Peron.

The hook from “Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You” sounds vaguely like J-Tim’s “Cry Me A River,” and while it’s not an awful song, by this point the listener is so exhausted from the recycling of pop hooks it’s not worth finishing off the album. Poor Madge just can’t win.

So while Madonna’s new cuts might be fun for the club set, the hooks lose momentum and the diva herself is lost in the hot mess of it all.

Still, you have to give her and her pop juggernaut friends credit — recycling pop music trends has to help curb the effects of global warming, right?