Column:

Gym rats need to shape up

By Christina Stiehl

Published Oct. 27, 2009

As a visiting prospective student at MU, the main attraction of the campus tour was the brand new, multi-million dollar Student Recreation Complex. What the tour leaders do not warn you about is the obnoxious behavior displayed by many of its patrons.

Because I am not only a frequent user, but also an employee of the Rec Center, I have to endure this less-than-tolerable conduct more than the average person should. My compiled list is much too long to fit in this column, so I have narrowed down my advice to just the top four annoying gym-goers (in no particular order).

To the cell phone talker: I hate talking on the phone. And the last thing I want to do when I'm in the middle of my cardio is hold a conversation. Unfortunately, not everyone feels this way. Can you really not wait 45 minutes to speak to someone? If you are working out hard enough, you should not have the breath to hold a decipherable, meaningful conversation anyway. Furthermore, the cardio room is pretty loud, so the phone talker needs to raise his or her voice to be heard over all the congestion. Not only does this draw unnecessary attention to you, but also it distracts me from my workout. You don't look cool. You look like a moron.

To the grunter: Fortunately at the Rec Center, there is a separate weight room designed specifically for you guys, the Pump Room. But some of you macho men creep up to the Jungle Gym and really cause a disruption. Although I'm sure your muscles are burning, I don't see the need for you to draw extra attention to the fact you can actually lift weights. No one is impressed or turned on, but keep reaching for those 100 pounders, you manly men. I'm sure there's someone out there who will one day fall for your antics and take off his or her pants mid-workout.

To the know-it-all: Yes, I can tell by your cut-off shirt and toned muscles you lift weights so frequently, you feel the need to inform me when I'm doing a set wrong. But most of the time, your "tips" don't make sense. Apparently by not having six-pack abs or a penis, I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to weightlifting.

To the before-tanner: As a recovering tanorexic, I understand the appeal of using a tanning salon, especially after a long, sweaty work out. Yes, it causes skin cancer and wrinkles, but it's relaxing and gives you a nice-looking glow. Some people like the idea of tanning before they hit the gym, and I'm not exactly sure how it gets you pumped up for your workout. And that lotion or oil you use while baking is a hard smell to wipe off. Therefore, the mats, equipment and your two-foot radius all end up smelling like melting flesh burnt coconuts.

So please, next time you take a trip to the Rec Center, be meaningful of what you are doing. You might not realize it, but other people are taking notice and are not happy. I might even write about it.