Column:
Women not out to steal your sperm
Published Oct. 27, 2009
Hello frightened male "Details" readers. I am here to hopefully assuage your fears that women are out to steal your sperm. In this month's sex and relationship section, "Details" posted an article entitled, "That was no 'Accident' " — a slam dunk in terms of promoting male fear around stereotyped female neuroses. Just in time for Halloween: attack of the sperm stealing baby mommas.
The article includes a few choice quotes from women who admit to or support the practice of women tricking their long-term partners into an "accidental pregnancy." They argue this point through the good old ticking time bomb suggestion. I personally like to refer to this as the Picasso argument because if people discuss it long enough someone will always use Pablo Picasso as the reigning example because he had a child when he was 70. This is physically impossible for women, therefore women are always listening to the internal countdown of when we better procreate or lose our value as people.
Women are individual people. Some of us want children; some of us don't. Some of us worry about our fertility; some of us don't. Some of us realize there are other ways not dependent on your body to have a family, such as in vitro fertilization, adoption and surrogacy, and some of us don't. But I doubt most of us spend massive amounts of time preoccupied with these thoughts or any "Details"-esque scheming.
Point blank: I think it is incredibly immoral to trick someone into such a long-term commitment as having a child. I would never base an important decision on the hope that seeing an ultrasound would miraculously raise my partner from the lows of Apatowian manchildness to an enlightened father. Even writing that doesn't make sense to me.
I also think this happens far less than "Details" would have us believe. The evidence for the argument other than three women and two men is based on faulty birth control data. "Details" argued if women were taking birth control pills correctly, only one in 1,000 would get accidentally pregnant. Because 50 times those numbers are reported, something shady must be going on.
Maybe there is a large percentage of women using birth control pills incorrectly. Maybe there is an ignored segment of women for whom the pill is not their preferred use of contraception. Or maybe the man just has magically enduring sperm. OK, maybe the last piece is not part of scientific canon, but you get the point. And where are condoms in this? If you want to take a proactive two-pronged approach, stop complaining about condoms and wear them.
Articles like those are merely platforms for "men's rights" organizations (Isn't that an oxymoron?) to hock their shrill, you know, reverse sexism (impossible, that would involve a huge shift of the power structure, an article for another day) and their bill of male reproductive rights. My advice for any of you out there worried your girlfriend being deceptive is this. Dump her and in the future don't sleep with crazies.
Comments (16)
11:14 a.m., Oct. 28, 2009
Marc A. said:
You are wrong. I've known a number of men who have been tricked into pregnancy. And have you heard of paternity fraud and how 30% of DNA tests are turning out negative? Men's rights is not an oxymoron. Historically, both men and women were institutionally discriminated against based on gender roles. Men were discriminated against in parenting laws, child custody, military conscription, forced labor, criminal sentencing, domestic violence policies, rape laws, public health policies, genital integrity laws, and more. This paper examines these and issues in more detail below. We often hear of gender disparities at the top of society (government, CEOs), but rarely do we hear about the disparities at the bottom. Men account for 80-99% of homeless adults, work-related deaths/injuries, prisoners, combat deaths/injuries, and suicide deaths, are much more likely than females to drop out, skip a grade or be placed in special education, and still die younger and have higher death rates than women for the ten leading causes of death. http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/library/TopCausesDeath2000.pdf The reason for the disparity at the top of society is that women have more options than men to be primary parents. A recent study funded by the U.S. Department of Labor found the pay gap is due to choices, not discrimination. http://www.consad.com/content/reports/Gender%20Wage%20Gap%20Final%20Report.pdf The "pay gap" is only a snapshot of average yearly full time incomes. It does not account for overtime (90% male) or other factors like flexibility, shorter hours, physical risk, experience levels, etc. http://www.ncfm.org/?page_id=482
2:06 p.m., Oct. 28, 2009
Thomas said:
Why do women seem incapable of separating concepts from people? Just because someone criticizes a legal system that is crazy and sexist doesn't mean, women are being criticized. Please stop taking everything personally ! As someone who is single, and a successful 30-yr old business man, I can tell you that baby snatchers do exist. In fact, I caught one of me ex-gf's stealing used condoms. And why wouldn't she? If she managed to get herself pregnant, she would have been awarded a monthly $4,000 payment from me (according to the CS calculator in my state) for 20 years. She wouldn't even have to let me see the child, and she would be free to sleep around with any boyfriend she wants. Sounds like the perfect deal! No? The discussion is not about women being evil (some are, some are not, just like men). The discussion is about a legal system that rewards women's parasitic behavior and fails to protect half the population (men) from legal abuse. Is it being anti-women to demand that women be treated like adults, rather than children? I don't think so!
2:22 p.m., Oct. 28, 2009
Pierce Harlan said:
You couldn't just make the specific point you intended to make and be done with it, could you? No-o-o-o, you had stick the knife in at the end and spew out the usual radical feminist blather that insists there is no such thing as reverse sexism despite the fact that, in many important ways, there is. And Lauren's comment is just priceless. All of society is her straw man: "This shows how society just doesn't want to trust women." Yeah, that's right, Lauren. That's why most men marry one of you. Because we just don't trust you. Seriously, give it up. Your shtick is marginalized. It plays well in just two places: in Women's Studies programs where impressionable 18-year-old women are shocked to learn for the first time in their lives they are, indeed, oppressed and subjugated by their patrriarchal benefitting brothers and classmates (it took a grizzled feminist prof to show them this "fact"), and in one dark, twisted corner of the blogosphere. The rest of us ain't buying it.
9:09 p.m., Oct. 28, 2009
Fox West said:
Thank you for continuing the Maneater's age-old tradition of wasting column space. I didn't think they could employ anyone who is more ridiculous and superfluous than last year's Sean Nahlik debacle, but you win. Not one of this young lady's columns has been worth the paper it's printed on.
9:36 a.m., Oct. 29, 2009
rohara said:
By looking at your picture,ChaToyya, you look to be...I don't know....23? I don't mean to be condecending I know that wouldn't be fair but you realy havent been around enough to be that good a judge of character. I know of many a man who has been traped by a woman in this manner. Why does it happen? Because it can! The laws allow for it. Think about it, a man cant have an abortion and when there is a pregnancy in which it is established that he is the father (this doesn't mean that he is necessarily the biological father the only thing that needs to happen is that he signs the birth cirtificate) he has to support the child for 18 years. I personaly know of many women who openly admit to engaging in this type of behavior. And why wouldn't they? It is legal! It has less to do with the proclivities of gender than it does with the law.
11:42 a.m., Oct. 29, 2009
LaurenO. said:
Here's one big example of how society doesn't trust women: Our mostly white male legislators think it's okay to put laws in place that limit our access to reproductive healthcare. They do not trust us with our own bodies enough to let us make personal decisions about them. And sometimes taking things personally is the smart thing to do, because when you're a woman, the personal is political. They make our bodies public property. Call me when someone shouts scripture at you the next time you go to the doctor or maybe when the government tells you what you can and cannot do with your reproductive organs. Until then, it seems we're at an impasse.
2:24 p.m., Oct. 29, 2009
Chris said:
This is my first and last time reading this site. What a load of crap. Please, continue your fine pseudo-intellectual traditions of teaching men they shouldn't have rights (I presume your DO know what oxymoron means) groups, or that women can't be sexist without the power to back it up. They are. What a horse load of sanctimonious bullshit. Fortunately, I'm old enough to know better
3:44 p.m., Oct. 29, 2009
Lavender Gooms said:
Seriously, these rants are getting a little old. You claim society is patriarchal and racist, so why is it that when a black woman accused three white males on the Duke lacrosse team of raping her the entire country was ready to take her word for it and string them up for committing a hate crime they didn't commit. Any crime, alleged or actual, committed by a white person against a minority will get blown out of proportion and called a hate crime. If you want to write an article attempting to disprove the article published in Details, that's fine. But you don't provide any actual evidence, and you swiftly transition from something that appears to be a rebuttal to an all out attack on men. I don't think I've ever seen a more poorly disguised bias in journalism. You should be embarrassed that this on the internet.
1:19 p.m., Oct. 30, 2009
Marc A. said:
Lauren O. said: "Here's one big example of how society doesn't trust women: Our mostly white male legislators think it's okay to put laws in place that limit our access to reproductive healthcare. They do not trust us with our own bodies enough to let us make personal decisions about them." Wrong. Men and women in general do not differ much in their support or opposition to abortion rights, so this is not a matter of distrust of women. Women have slightly over half the vote and they vote these legislators into office, and as many women as men oppose abortion rights, just as the same number of women as men support abortion rights. You make this an anti-woman thing just out of hype and reactionism. I'm willing to bet that if men could get pregnant, abortion would be more likely to be illegan than otherwise, because it wouldn't be made into a gender issue. "They make our bodies public property." And men's bodies were never public property? Being forced to fight wars (which women supported at about the same rate men did) because they're males? Millions and millions of men dying horrible deaths and suffering horrendous injuries. Making 92% of occupational deaths and the vast majority of injuries. Women were property but the role of the property owner was to protect and provide for that property, whereas the role of the property owner of male bodies, the government, was to DISPOSE of the males through war and work. Why is that never mentioned in your monologue on gender and property?
1:57 p.m., Oct. 31, 2009
Yantézia P. said:
Good day, folks. I'll tell you like my mama always tells my brother, "You should leave that woman's house knowing 99.9% sure that you aren't the baby's daddy." Let's get real, people. In a committed relationship or not, the exchange of bodily secretions in sexual intercourse really should be at a minimum. People can can give you something you can't wash off and commitment has long since become a term that is used very loosely. Men, you aren't too big for a condom. They're not THAT uncomfortable, and you're not so in love that you were caught up in the moment. Ms. Sewell's issue with "Details" is not their female perspective, but the lack of male perspective. It take two to tango. Take ownership of your penis! Put on a condom every time, because it's the smart thing to do. Why does conception have to be on a woman? Funny story, my parents were married (my father is deceased now) and deeply in love, but my siblings and I are all pill babies. ALL OF US. And no, it was not a trap. We were wanted, but not expected. Things happen! If you don't want a baby, and want to reduce your "risk" wear a condom and stop sleeping with people you dont want to "risk" being stuck with forever. That's also a smart thing to do! I don't doubt that women steal sperm, many in fact, I'm sure. But dear sirs, you are not so fabulous and your penis so magical that you can stick it where you want and then call yourself trapped. Be smarter than the egg and the sperm, EVERYONE! P.S. A men's rights organization is an oxymoron. Want proof? The fact that Thomas seems to find male empowerment in lumping all women in a pot calling the kettle black and say, "Why do women seem incapable of separating concepts from people?" is your proof. Al women do not think the same way, sir and we certainly aren't ignorant in our abilities to separate concept from people USE THEM. You forgot that part. Ever heard of sociology, ever heard of Audre Lorde? Concepts are created by people. Duh. Furthermore, they are reinforced BY PEOPLE. They're not stand alone topics that we occasionally shoulder brush walking through a crowd. 30 years old, Thomas. Hmm. Could've fooled me. Also, let's not blame the legal system for the way it sticks it to the man. You can blame the men who any groups face in a plethora of ways. came before you that didn't stand up and take care of their babies. It's a domino effect that many groups face. For example, minority scholarships exist because once upon a time, people of color qualified and applied for "all-inclusive" scholarships and were denied them because of a strongly racist society.
2:19 a.m., Nov. 5, 2009
Gio said:
Well she didn't shed any real light on anything to be perfectly frank. All she did was minimize a legitimate concern and transition it into a irrelevent attack on men. Like a tpyical feminist, she appeals out of emotion rather then what the strong emperical facts of the matter illustrate...this is typical in most feminist publications. When you observe a MRA refuting a feminist claim you always note a strong basis of statistical evidence and"fact"to support there conclusion and there retot yet with feminism this is not the case. Instead they censor, bully and in some cases will play to the victimhood strategy and shame you for disagreeing with...this is when the "strong and independant women"turns into the defensless child that is not allowed to be criticised or confronted. My advice to the gents here is just to ignore these facist dykes and let the facts and evidence speak for themselves...because in the end of that day truth will always prevail over evil.
2:48 p.m., Nov. 8, 2009
Joe said:
Articles like those are merely platforms for "men's rights" organizations (Isn't that an oxymoron?) It is if you're a feminist bigot who hates men.
4:47 p.m., July 18, 2010
amy said:
I am being accused of trying to trap my boyfriend of 18 months. So from a personal view point I am sickened. First of all society puts all the burden on women. We have the burden of raising the child and carrying the child what women money or not would seriously think this was a loving way to bring a child into the world? I screwed up I got off on my pills and thought i had it all under control with the morning after pill. Wrong it failed. Accidents happen men. If you want to be completely sure you never get trapped abstain!!! Do the right thing and wait until your married. We are human we make mistakes and if the burden was on men to take the pill sorry there would be a lot more mistakes.Go cry to someone else about being trapped get over your self it takes two!!! Do your part to protect your self. Stop trying to look at women as evil and manipulating to feel better about your participation in the mistake.Man up and take percautions because take it from me it has ruined the womans life as well.
9:51 p.m., Oct. 2, 2010
greyghost said:
I agree with amy, don't trust a woman. See how stupid she is and then say it's your fault for trustung her becuase people make mistakes. Let that be a lesson to all of you men reading this.
6:42 p.m., Feb. 25, 2011
Bobbie said:
LaurenO: "Here's one big example of how society doesn't trust women: Our mostly white male legislators think it's okay to put laws in place that limit our access to reproductive healthcare. They do not trust us with our own bodies enough to let us make personal decisions about them." Society (over 50% women) doesn't trust anyone. We have mostly white male legislators because women vote mostly for white males. Yes, we have laws in place that limit killing other people. You and the rest of us know that "reproductive healthcare" is feminist Newspeak for "abortion," which in turn is an euphemism for "kill the preborn human." Yes, we as a society don't trust anyone by leaving killing other humans up to a personal decision.
1:51 p.m., Oct. 27, 2009
Lauren O. said:
Thank you for providing me with a new favorite adjective: Apatowian. As a feminist who loves babies (yes, we exist) I'm really glad you addressed this. This shows how society just doesn't want to trust women. Apparently to them, those of us that want children are deceitful and manipulative and those of us who elect not to reproduce are selfish. I heard about this article and was repulsed, thanks for shedding more light on this utter tripe.