LGBTQ community celebrates love, Valentine's Day

For some same-sex couples, public displays of affection can be difficult.

By Eva Dou

Published Feb. 12, 2009

For some couples, it's a question of holding hands in public.

"It's not an easy environment to date in," former Triangle Coalition President Josh Barton said. "I've never known many same-sex couples to blatantly date. You very rarely see same-sex couples walking around hand in hand or kissing in public, unless you're in an environment that's gay-owned or gay-friendly."

Some students say the quest for love is difficult when you are part of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning community.

For one thing, the community is small, and dating options limited, said Yantezia Patrick, president of Gamma Rho Lambda, which is a non-gender-specific progressive sorority.

"I obviously haven't found the pool," Patrick said.

People in same-sex relationships often face judgment when they are in public, leading some to avoid open gestures of affection. Barton said he knows some couples have been confronted on dates by strangers who asked them why they were sitting together and whether they were gay.

"You can see why some people would maybe not want to appear like they are dating," Barton said. "They know they're on a date, but by their body language, it seems like they're just friends."

MU Counseling Center psychologist Raeona Nichols said based on the students she's talked to, the biggest strains on LGBTQ couples are caused by societal pressures, external and internalized homophobia and communication problems.

She said one common relationship issue is faulty communication. A lack of acceptance from family members and other stressors can lead to isolation and further troubles.

Allies in Action, a student organization of LGBTQ students and their allies, held a discussion Tuesday about domestic violence.

During the presentation, Allies Vice President Monica Wolff said domestic violence occurs at about the same rate in homosexual and heterosexual relationships. But in abusive same-sex relationships, there might be additional factors such as the threat of outing a partner, which could cause the partner to lose a job or family support.

"I think domestic violence happens a lot more than we think it does," Allies President Lance Pierce said. "People tend to think of physical violence, but it's really about using any sort of control or power over someone else."

The group also held a screening of "Imagine Me and You" on Thursday. The movie details a romance between a newly married woman and a female florist she encountered at her wedding.

Pierce said the movie screening was to provide an alternative to the largely heterosexual entertainment surrounding Valentine's Day. Although love is love, he said, traditional Valentine's Day is marketed mostly to the heterosexual community.

"Getting cards for same-sex relationships is difficult," he said. "Everything is usually, 'To my husband' or 'To my wife.' You can't get married, so LGBTQ relationships aren't in that realm."

Barton said despite the heterosexual emphasis of the holiday, his gay friends find their own ways to celebrate.

"One of my friends is planning this whole thing for his boyfriend," Barton said. "He's going to sneak in the night before, sneak a lot of food in the refrigerator, and he's going to have breakfast made in the morning."