Column:
Missouri Republicans believe in fairies, unicorns
Legislators try to shut down FOCA before it passes.
Published March 9, 2009
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there was a little pro-choice fairy named Freedom of Choice Act. Now FOCA wasn't your average magical fairy; she was so magical she was invisible! Every day, FOCA the invisible, magical fairy would fly across the land and tell sad, oppressed little girls they were worthy, wonderful creatures, with the ability to make their own choices in life. FOCA was loved throughout the land, even though none of the little girls she helped could see her.
But evil forces lurked in the center of the land. In an old stone building high on a hill, a group of old, pale men called the Missouri Republicans would plot ways to destroy the people who were not like them, especially the little girls FOCA loved so much. Of course, the Missouri Republicans had never seen the invisible FOCA, but they were scared the little girls she helped would actually start believing they were worthy, wonderful creatures with the ability to make their own choices. Choice was like kryptonite to the Missouri Republicans.
So the evil, pale, old Missouri Republicans plotted a scheme to banish FOCA from their land. They dipped their quills in ink made with unicorn blood, and wrote a decree and posted it on the wall of their old stone building on a hill: "We cannot see you FOCA! We do not even know if you exist, but we don't want you here!" All the little girls who lived by the old stone building would run by and weep, unable to understand why these evil men would banish FOCA if they had never seen her and if FOCA never did anything to hurt them.
Now, this might surprise you, but the tale of FOCA and the Missouri Republicans isn't a dark, distant fairy tale. It's a true story that's equally as ridiculous, if not more so. We live in a state with a debt of more than $40 million, two large cities whose public schools have lost their academic accreditation and some of the worst roads in the country. But one of the first things the Republican-controlled Missouri House of Representatives did when the session reconvened is pass a piece of legislation to nullify a piece of federal legislation that doesn't even exist yet!
The Freedom of Choice Act would codify on the legislative level the Supreme Court's decision in Roe v. Wade did in fact say women in this country have a right to choose. I realize opinions on choice and abortion on this campus are incredibly varied, and I respect that. But I think no matter your views, liberal or conservative, you can agree on a basic constitutional idea that a federal law can trump state law. And what's more, passing a state law to usurp a nonexistent federal law (because, and I really do believe this bears repeating, FOCA does not exist yet!) is just stupid.
It makes you wonder, what else are Missouri Republicans afraid of? By bringing this issue before the General Assembly, it's obvious they're terrified of the prospect of female choice and federalism. But what if it extends beyond that? What if Missourians truly have elected a group of people who still believe the boogieman lurks in their closets at night and there are little pro-choice fairies flitting around Capitol Hill? I'm a little terrified, children.