Column:

Life would be easier if I stopped doing stupid things

Sitting in the back of the class is not helpful.

By Jacob Houska

Published April 17, 2009

Right now, I am staring at the back of a giant head. The head's owner is scribbling furiously into his notebook, trying to keep up with what the professor is saying. Although I should probably be doing the same, I can't see over Mr. Blimp-head.

And I really don't care.

Every day I come to biology class and sit in the back right corner and struggle to hear what is said or read what is written. This makes no sense, but it won't matter in 10 minutes because I will be in the middle of another brainless routine that doesn't make any more sense.

Right now I am drinking a coffee in a coffee shop. I hate coffee, I don't have dreadlocks and I don't think Sept. 11 was a conspiracy, so I probably shouldn't be hanging out in a coffee shop. But for whatever reason I come to this place every day, waste $4 and carry my coffee into class with me. Maybe it makes me feel like a real person because I drink coffee, or maybe I'm an idiot. Either way I'm still doing it, and either way I will forget how stupid it is later when I do something more stupid.

Right now I am eating chicken wings. I know I already wrote about this last week, but they are really delicious and now my keyboard is orange.

Right now I am playing "NCAA March Madness 2009." My UCLA Bruins are winning by like 50 points. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've ever not won by at least 20. My only opponent is the computer. Regardless, you can still find me on this couch playing this game at this exact same time every Wednesday, courteous of my systemic schedule.

Right now I am eating at Campus Bar and Grill. You probably don't believe that I am actually eating here, but thanks to my sweet job as a columnist, I am sitting out on the deck among friends, each one of them with a delicious beer in their hands, and I am typing on my laptop. I'm trying to explain that I'm really not that big of a loser, and that it's 3 p.m. on a Wednesday and I'm allowed to behave like this right now. They don't care, and instead they politely insist that I give my testicles back to whoever decided I deserve a pair.

Then it hit me.

Rarely, and I mean rarely, does anything I do during the day make any real sense. I go to class, that makes sense, and I wear clothes, so I suppose that makes a little bit of sense, too. After that, however, it's all downhill.

Why do I sit behind the blimp in biology? I could easily have sat anywhere else in the entire room. And why did I still drink coffee today? In the middle of my wait I had an epiphany about how pointless it was, then I wrote about it right after, but I still wasted the money and drank the stupid thing. Then I played video games when I had a column to write, two tests to study for and a future to worry about. After I was done I went to one of the busiest, loudest bars in town to finish all the work I had left to do. I may be impulsive, but I'm pretty sure my day is cluttered with pointless events that, if I would simply not do them, could make my average day a whole lot easier.

And since I am a below-average student and the fact that you are reading the newspaper means you are likely to be above average, maybe you should think about some of the things you do that are pointless.

I'd be willing to bet there are quite a few, and I'd be willing to bet you'd be pretty happy with your results if you stopped.