Column: From the police blotter to the Elite Eight
Men's basketball was a rare example of hard work paying off.
Published April 6, 2009
It's easy to forget in today's world of 24-hour news channels about one of the most essential, and most difficult, parts of journalism: the retraction. Let me refresh your memory. A retraction is when a newspaper, TV or radio broadcast runs a correction to a previous story. It's a safety net to make sure if we as journalists misinterpret the facts, or just get them plain wrong, we can set the record straight.
Luckily, as a columnist at this lovely publication, I'm typically immune to retractions. Oh sure, if I get some of the facts wrong in my writing (like if I actually didn't know how the Missouri General Assembly functions after reporting there for a semester, as one of my haters has alleged) not only would The Maneater run a retraction, I would be woman enough to admit I screwed up. Hell, I'd thank you for calling out my factual errors; you have to make mistakes to grow in any aspect of life.
Seeing as I do understand the legislative process and the literary device of satirical allegory better than some on this campus, I'm going to have to take some initiative.
Therefore, I, Stephanie Levy, would like to officially retract all the terrible things I said about the men's basketball team during my time as a student at MU.
I'm sorry I compared pre-gaming for a game at Mizzou Arena to tailgating at a bail hearing. To be fair, I've never even seen a college basketball game live. That was mean.
I'm sorry my partner-in-crime and fellow columnist invented a dance called "Crank dat Butterfield." I'm sorry I still do that dance from time to time. It's really just the Soulja Boy dance to different lyrics.
I'm sorry I used to think it was more interesting and effective to follow the progress of the men's basketball team through the police blotter than through Sports Center.
I'm sorry I burst out laughing for a good seven minutes when I read a small newspaper article that said the new basketball stadium where disgraced MU basketball coach Quin Snyder worked had a problem with homeless people squatting there. Actually, I take that one back. It's still funny and karma's still a bitch.
The story of the basketball team's journey to the Elite Eight this year is truly one of redemption. It's a wonderful example of what hard work can do to turn a person around. And to be honest, we don't get many examples of that in our everyday lives. Billionaire investors trample the nation's economy into the ground, yet we give them more money to play with. Former MU Dean Thomas Allan Brady might have been a racist homophobe, yet I still had to buy overpriced books year after year from a student center that bore his name. The most expensive adult movie ever produced, "Pirates," has a sequel in the works; don't ask me how I know that.
My point is there seems to be little or no consequence for the stupid choices people make today. That is, of course, unless you play basketball for coach Mike Anderson. He has proven his weight in gold these past three years by holding his men accountable on and off the court.
I underestimated this team's ability to meet, nay, exceed its potential.
And for that, I truly am sorry.
M-I-Z, y'all.