Students conscious of racial balancing act

From Princeton to MU, black students struggle to assimilate.

By Katy Bergen

Published April 9, 2009

Months after the United States elected its first black president, some believe that, in terms of equality, universities still have a long way to go to make black students feel comfortable.

MU freshman Mykala Smith was conscious of being black almost immediately upon arriving in Columbia from her home in Memphis.

A white friend invited Smith and a multiracial friend to a fraternity party. Others warned them they wouldn't get in; black women don't make the cut.

When the women approached the fraternity house, Smith said a man stationed at the door turned them away. Smith demanded to know if her skin color had anything to do with their rejection from the party. The man claimed the party was out of alcohol, Smith said.

Smith describes her friend, whose mother is black and father is white, as one who identifies more with the white community. She wears brands Smith considers "white," such as Abercrombie & Fitch and Hollister. Smith said she prefers more "urban" brands, such as Rocawear and Baby Phat.

"She relates to white people more than black people, but she's still considered black by whites," Smith said.

Jeffrey Williams, MU's former director of access and urban outreach, calls the balancing act of fitting into both the black and white communities the "double burden of being black in America."

"You are judged by the black people and you are judged by the white people," Williams said.

Williams compared the sentiment to W.E.B Dubois's theory of "double consciousness," being simultaneously aware of how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you.

First lady Michelle Obama's senior thesis at Princeton University alluded to that theory of "double consciousness." Obama wrote that felt like a visitor on her college campus, even after four years at Princeton.

Few programs supported black students. The Greek system, extra-curricular activities and campus priorities seemed geared to the white majority.

Obama was curious to know if her feelings were shared. She surveyed Princeton black alumni for a thesis paper that questioned how they felt they were perceived on campus, as well as the attachment they felt to the black community before, during and after college.

"Regardless of the circumstances under which I interact with whites at Princeton, it often seems as if, to them, I will always be black first and a student second," Obama said in her 1985 thesis introduction.

Obama pointed to music, language and a consciousness she said pertains to black people in America due to unique injustices they have experienced, as factors that differentiate black and white communities.

Williams imagines Obama experienced at Princeton what most black students experience on most college campuses: a heightened sense of self. This constant awareness can cause students to feel uncomfortable in, or even resentful of, an environment in which they clearly are the minority.

According to the University Registrar's office, MU saw its largest enrolling freshman class in 2008. The class included the highest number and percentage of black students to enroll at the university: 7.3 percent of 5,782 first-time college students.

Williams said unlike Obama's experience at Princeton 24 years ago, MU offers a number of resources for black students, including courses in black studies, black faculty and staff members, resources in the Gaines/Oldham Black Culture Center, black fraternities and sororities and the Academic Retention Services program, that focuses on helping minority students succeed in the classroom.

Kia Breaux graduated from MU in 1996 and is the interim bureau chief for The Associated Press in Kansas City. She said she "absolutely" experienced racism during college. She especially highlighted her experiences in more rural areas of the state she visited as a reporter for the Columbia Missourian.

Breaux said she became involved with campus activities specifically geared toward black students. She pledged Delta Sigma Theta, a historically black sorority. She joined a club for minority journalists. She also spent time in the Gaines/Oldham Black Culture Center.

"Fortunately for me, Mizzou had resources in place to address issues specific to minority students and to make minority students feel welcome on campus," Breaux said "These programs and sheer determination helped carry me through."

She said MU resources helped her cope with any hardships she faced on or off campus.

Although some things have changed, judgment still exists on a college campus. Even though more black students are attending MU than ever before, those who come to campus from various parts of the country might find the transition to college difficult, Williams said.

"You start to take things personally," said Smith, who described a "paranoia" that any injustice she experienced was because of her skin color. Many of her experiences have reinforced that belief.

Smith went to Western Union in Wal-Mart last semester to try to solve some banking issues. As the clerk struggled to solve Smith's problem, she got frustrated. So did Smith.

"I'm sorry you're having a bad day," Smith said. "But I'm just trying to get my bank stuff done."

"I'm not having a bad day," the clerk said, according to Smith's description of the incident. "You're just taking up too much of my time."

"Maybe you shouldn't have come to work then," she said impatiently.

Then, Smith said, the clerk used N-word and called her a bitch.

Shocked, Smith responded with more profanity. The clerk called for security, Smith said. A man handcuffed Smith before she could explain. The security guard released Smith after she explained the situation, but suggested she leave immediately.

A Western Union representative declined to comment.

Shaken, Smith tried to forget the incident. But a few weeks later, while walking downtown, some men put their arms around Smith and her friends and proclaimed they liked black women the way "their grandfathers loved the slaves."

Smith debated leaving MU at the end of her first semester. In the meantime, she sought comfort in places like the Black Culture Center.

The Gaines/Oldham Black Culture Center holds events intended to involve the whole campus. The separate events aren't necessarily desired, but they give black students a better chance to become involved in campus activities.

"I question how inclusive the main programs would be," Breaux said. "There's no easy answer. I would like to see true integration but in order for that to happen, everyone needs an equal and fair shot. I don't think we're there yet. It's not going to happen while racism is still in this country."

There have been other examples of a racial divide on MU's campus, including a small seating section of what was formerly the Brady Commons food court. Williams said some students referred to the section as "the black hole" because of the tendency for black students to sit together in the same area each day.

Williams said he doesn't necessarily see this trend as a bad thing.

"No one ever asks, 'Why are the white people sitting together?'" Williams said. "There's a feeling that black people should assimilate into white culture."

Smith said because there are fewer black students than white students, she finds herself naturally gravitating to other black students.

"You're like, 'Oh, someone like me!'" Smith said.

Obama's results showed black alumni felt the most attachment to groups they spent the most time with; most black Princeton alumni felt closest to other blacks at Princeton. Obama wondered if her results applied to other universities. Williams said the search for self, especially as a black American, is common to everyone's college experience.

"College is all about your identity, trying to find where you fit in," Williams said.

But for black students, dealing with racism and prejudice is an inescapable part of self-discovery.

"I don't want to give the impression that my experiences at MU were all negative," Breaux said. "If I had to do it all over again, I would. No matter where you go in this country you'll experience racism. You can't hide from it."