Column:
'Ghosts' seems hurried, unoriginal
Let's pull out old movie files and throw together a product.
Published May 7, 2009
Guys, I'm glad you could all meet me here for the "Wolverine" counter-programming meeting. I realize it's bad timing, but my son told me he was going to see "Wolverine" with his friends next week, and I was a little spooked, to say the least.
Yeah, yeah - I didn't know it was coming out either. So you can understand why I've asked you all here. I've been thinking about it all night, and I think I've got some good ideas - I'll just run them by you, and let me know what you like.
OK, first idea: We make a low-key romance, one of those Nora Ephron, Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan types, that gets popular through word of mouth and avoids alienating the boyfriends in our audience. A little screwball comedy, a little wordplay, smart, attractive leads...
All right, it was a bad idea. I'm sorry I brought it up. Second idea: We do romance, but with a twist of something else - you know, "The Thin Man" or - sure, straight romantic comedy it is. I'm sorry, sir, these are just the first two ideas. I've got a whole notepad full.
Third idea: Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, I know, right? And he's a rakish guy who hates women, except for the one, perfect woman, for whom he is going to become monogamous forever. He's a really intense, serious womanizer, though - I don't think we should trivialize the number he does on these girls emotionally, even if that -
OK, OK, we'll trivialize it. It's hilarious, he cheats on all these girls, but when he meets the right girl, all the bells go off, and there'll be some misunderstandings but they get together at the end, because... well, we can work on motivation in post-production. Now, I have a list of romantic comedy occupations here. We've got magazine editor, bank president - you're right, definitely photographer. Really glamorous.
Now for the hooks. Let me - all right, I've turned to the G section, so we've got "Grandparents, (Meeting)"; "Gladhanding Politician, (Meaning of Real Truth, Love)"; "Gag Order, (Lawyers in Love-Hate)" - oh, here's a classic. "Ghosts, (Real and Imagined)." You know, "Topper," "Ghost Town" - but don't worry, we don't really have to try all that hard on it. The ghosts can be pretty superfluous, if we play our cards right.
While we're at it - yes, I think if we combine this with something from the Gimmicks section we'll really be in business. "Period Piece?" Nah, won't do - imagine that board-shorted doofus McConaughey in a fedora. "Stunt Casting?" I don't think we can get anybody in on short notice. This is the one, guys. "Vague Book Adaptation." I think "A Christmas Carol" is in the public domain, right? If the book thinks, we don't have to!
That should be it, everybody. Great meeting. I'm glad you could all make it, and - oh, before we go, though, we should really pick out a Comic Pratfall or two, for the trailer. Looking down my list, I think "Wedding Cake, (Big, Falls Over)" has promise.
