CPD, MUPD officers discuss 'dumbest' crimes

Police recall underwear thieves, those without underwear and more.

By Tarah Benner

Published March 9, 2010

Think twice before stealing Skittles or shopping naked, because police departments are on the case. Columbia police are used to encountering odd and sometimes idiotic crimes every day.

MU Police Department Capt. Brian Weimer said he's seen all kinds of things, including obviously intoxicated drivers and streakers. That's part of being a police officer, he said.

Columbia Police Department spokeswoman Jessie Haden said in an e-mail officers hear a variety of excuses for running a red light or speeding, such as "I have to pee," "I'm a doctor," or "I'm from Sweden." It's also not just the officers who have to deal with unusual situations.

"It's not always our officers, but our front desk folks who also get odd questions," Haden said in the e-mail. "A man called our front desk to ask if it's illegal to commit adultery."

CPD Sgt. Michael Hestir recalled a run-in with an erratically driving cross-dresser as one of his more unusual experiences.

"He was wearing women's clothing and women's shoes, and he led us on a pursuit for about five minutes and then finally stopped," Hestir said. "I kind of feel bad for the guy."

In a recent case, CPD responded to a call at a Walmart regarding a naked man, Haden said in the e-mail. People at the store were doing their best to keep the man under the covers.

"The Walmart folks were doing a great job holding up blankets they unpackaged to create a shield around him," Haden said in the e-mail. "He contended that the Walmart folks actually took his clothes when the officers asked why he was naked."

Walmart later donated the blankets used to cover the naked man to the police department.

Haden said in another case, one woman returned after leaving the scene of a crime to discover she was missing her license plate. Haden said the license plate was found, but it didn't bode well for the driver.

"The bad news was that (the license plate) was at the police department," Haden said in the e-mail.

Of all the dumb crimes to commit, Hestir said shoplifting is near the top. Most stolen items are non-essential, consisting of lingerie or candy. Hestir said he worked one shoplifting case where a suspect stole food.

"The rest of them it's always fancy underwear for their boyfriend or girlfriend and Skittles — just ridiculous items," Hestir said.

Larceny and theft are the most common crimes reported at MU, but Hestir said crimes most prevalent among college students were alcohol-related.

"We get a lot of calls from neighbors who say, 'Hey I can't sleep because my college-kid neighbors have 200 of their very best friends in the whole wide world over,' " Hestir said.

Although some crimes brought laughter to the officers, Weimer and Hestir agree drunk driving is a crime that can most easily be avoided.

"There's a range of punishment, but the expense quite frankly, more than the legal consequences, should probably convince people to stay away," Hestir said.

Increased insurance costs, legal fees, posting bond and the scrutiny of future employers for an arrest are potential consequences of a DWI. Hestir said he wants citizens and college students to have a good time downtown, rather than endanger each other making unwise decisions, such as driving drunk.