Column: Read, write, listen, rule the world
Published Sept. 24, 2010
Part I: Who are you? A Generalized Image according to Public Data
We are babies of helicopter parents, fear-mongering propaganda and Über technology.
We've been dubbed "Generation Me" by PhD-toting author Jean Twenge and a slew of big-city, pantsuit-wearing journalists. A New York Times article said our confident, selfish demeanor is nothing more than "irrational exuberance, an example of group psychosis and proof that this generation is headed for a major crash."
We are desensitized to violent crimes, world issues and general politics. We donate our dollars to a hurricane fund at the grocery store, but which one? Something happened in Thailand, maybe in Haiti, could be China — it's all the same to us.
Our conflict-ridden globe (Mexican drug cartels, infinite sagas in the Middle East, civil war in Chad, American unemployment) is nothing more than a database for streaming news waiting to fill our Internet sidebars with content.
The world is on the brink of 5 billion cell phone subscriptions and boasts over 500 million Facebook users.
We dominate the Web with constant messages, updates, tweets, posts, blogs and comments. We have found a giant and free toilet hole for shitting out our self-expression.
We're a generation of historical illiterates, feigning literacy with Google facts and memorized pop culture references.
Most veritable media sources agree we suck at life. The only thing we're really good at is continuing to believe we're something special. We're just a bunch of losers, waiting for a little spotlight to come shine down on us.
Part II: Who you can be: a heartfelt personal statement
We're screwed! Eh, maybe not so much.
As far as I can tell, every aging generation likes to piss on the one following it. Maybe it's a right of passage. Once you're old and bitter and your life didn't turn out, you get free reign to crush someone else's dreams.
If there's something older generations can learn from us, it's true adaptation. We have no problem integrating constantly evolving technology into our daily lives. As soon as one model is obsolete, we smoothly move on to the next.
We might be whiny and poorly informed but damn it, our refusal to settle short showcases admirable resilience.
If there's a cliché and pertinent lesson I've learned from my hard-working-baby-booming immigrant parents, it's not to compromise.
Don't curl up into a ball and complain about how hard your life has been. It'll only get harder, and you're only getting older. It's time to get shit done. All we have to do is take some time to get educated.
I am convinced I will succeed in the writing industry; I barely bother considering the capacity for failure. One of these days, somebody fancy is going to pay me well for this kind of stuff — the end.
Author Gary Shteyngart said during an NPR interview, "Everyone is a writer now. Nobody wants to read, but everybody wants to write."
Suddenly, there's something to prove. We're the best-equipped generation to succeed and we're not going to blow it. The odds are stacked against us. But I think its pretty exciting.
There's so much empty garbage to shovel through on the Internet, in textbooks, Barnes and Noble and reading sometimes doesn't even seem worth it.
But here's my call to action anyway — it's easy: Read more, listen to more, become an interesting and fascinating human sponge. People will call you brilliant and you'll rule the world. Those pantsuit-wearing journalists will be drowning in all their inaccuracy.
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