The recent snowstorms in Columbia are enough to make me jealous of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s life on the prairie. I had two classes on Thursday before campus got shut down, and during that time I just cried and yelled a lot while I braved the storm. The worst part is no one even paid attention to me while I put on my diva fit — they were too distracted by the thundering blizzard. So not only was I cold and miserable, I was also upstaged by the weather. Ugh.
My current theory is these storms are Fox News’ way of punishing MU for acknowledging Wiccan and pagan holidays. As Fox likes to remind us frequently, they have a lot of pull when it comes to anything and everything related to God. So, as much as I hate to say it: we may have to repent.
But before I get too crazy with the conspiracy theories, I am aware there are other issues going on around the world. I just think I would rather have some of those “problems” over having outrageous amounts of snow.
Finding horse meat in your “hamburger”: The citizens of England are being total babies about this situation. I am sure the horse meat is of a finer cut than the “pink slime” concoction of ammonia, cartilage and connective tissue I have been enjoying in hamburgers for years. People need to realize the only way to enjoy food is to just not think about it. Every time I sit down to enjoy a hot dog, Twinkie or any form of gas station food, there is always someone who reminds me of how disgusting the food I am eating really is. But you know what? I cannot even hear them over the sound of my food nirvana.
Getting hit by a 10,000-ton meteor: From Communism to terrifying ballet instructors, Russia has seen it all. So a large ball of fire randomly plummeting down to destroy everything in its path is nothing to scream about. I would be all right with Columbia getting a meteor because, if nothing else, I am sure it would provide us a little bit of warmth. Plus, I am sure MU would be willing to cancel school for at least a week if there was a meteor in the middle of the Quad. Snowball fights may be fun, but throwing bits of space rock at each other would be a whole new experience.
Having China hack my computer: Seeing as I don’t quite have any intense trade secrets on my MacBook, having it hacked would not be the end of the world – although it would be a bit embarrassing if people saw how many selfies I take. Also, my hipster street cred would be destroyed if people looked at my Internet history and saw how many Justin Bieber blogs I visit. But still, that embarrassment would be temporary. Getting over the pain I feel from the snow could take years of therapy.
Reality Check: I know that I can be the teensiest bit of a baby when it comes to poor weather. Luckily, I am from the Midwest, where if you hate the weather one day, you can just wait a week and it will go from scorching hot to freezing cold, or the other way around. I forget how blessed I really am, though. I tend to get caught up in my own “first world” problems and forget there are people in the world who are struggling with starvation, extreme poverty, sexual abuse and more. So if all I have to deal with is a bit of snow, I am incredibly lucky.
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