There are a lot of great qualities about me. I am kind, gorgeous, talented, hilarious and incredibly humble. But if there is one thing about me that is not quite ideal, it is that I tend to be known as a bit of an overreactor. Although if you ever tell me this, I will quickly shout at you, shake my fists and throw a tantrum.
But that doesn’t prove anything.
I’m not too big of a person, though, to admit that occasionally I may freak out a little bit more than necessary. I have been known to get in near fist fights during Black Friday shopping, throw a fit if I think someone is being served before me at a restaurant and hyperventilate if I’m late for a movie.
The fact that President Obama confused Star Wars and Star Trek was enough to make me completely doubt him as a human being. I mean, who does that? That’s almost as embarrassing as John Kerry combining Kyrgyzstan and its neighbor Kazakhstan. These things are common sense and frankly, anyone who makes such stupid mistakes should be immediately fired and … I’m overreacting again, aren’t I?
So now I am trying to prove myself as someone who can be calm and rational. Unfortunately, this coincides with the federal sequester, an event that completely deserves a freakout. Nevertheless, I will attempt to find a silver lining to these sequester shenanigans.
More free time: As busy college students, we all find ourselves wishing for more naps. Luckily, our political leaders have heard the rally call of overworked and over-partied college students and have decided to do something about it. That’s right, this sequester was specifically created in order to provide ample nap opportunities. Why else would the government willingly agree to such outrageous spending cuts?
Millions of jobs could be lost, so instead of worrying about finding real-people jobs, we can worry about where the best napping spot is. I would suggest that people use their free time to travel or eat out more, but unfortunately airport lines will be longer, national parks will be closed sooner, and restaurants will have health and safety checks less frequently. So those may not be the best ideas. But don’t get disheartened by the billions of dollars the government is cutting. Just remember, they can take away our jobs, education, safety and happiness, but they can’t take away our ability to nap.
Bucket list: It’s clear that the people in the know realize the end of the world is coming and are therefore marking off as many items as possible off of their bucket lists. Barack Obama played golf with Tiger Woods and chatted with the cast of “Modern Family,” Michelle Obama decided to get bangs and present the Oscar for Best Picture, and Warren Buffett is merging with Heinz ketchup. So, my fellow students, if you have yet to ride the tiger or kiss the fifty-yard line, now is the time to do it. Eat some ice cream or buy a pony, because who knows what is going to happen once we start feeling the effects of the sequester?
Reality Check: This sequester is kind of a big deal. We will certainly manage our way through it and find a way out of it, but the fact that our political leaders let this happen in the first place needs to be examined. We can’t just threaten ourselves with the worst-case scenario and hope that it means we will be forced to figure out a solution. If nothing else, this sequester has proven that if something bad can happen, it will happen. If billions of dollars in spending cuts isn’t enough to make the right and the left work together, then I’m not exactly sure anything will. So in the end, there’s only really one good thing I can see coming from the sequester. It’s a heck of a Scrabble word.
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