Column: Calm down Ann Coulter, Game of Thrones is not reality

Ms. Coulter seems to think that soccer is bringing about the end of America as we know it. Which is, frankly, insane.

We live in a country where we have the freedom of opinion. As much as I love being a free person with rights, some people’s opinions make me wish we lived in a country where if anything ridiculously stupid was said, that person would have their mouth sewn together with steel wires, never meant to be opened again.

Some people abuse the right to have an opinion. Everything that spews out of those people’s mouths is just meaningless word vomit and I’m sick of hearing it. In this particular instance, Ann Coulter is one of those people.

With hype over the World Cup, she recently came out with a column saying that soccer isn’t a real sport, and our dedication to soccer is a sign of our country’s “moral decay.”

Now I’m all for giving people a chance, so maybe if we look at her comments about soccer through her eyes, we won’t want to revoke her opinion privileges…maybe.

Her first point is that soccer is too much of a team sport to be American. There’s no personal achievement whatsoever. So you can’t gain glory, or utterly flop on your own.

That’s right, I totally forgot that having amazing assists and scoring the game-winning goal weren’t done by a single, individual person. And for that matter, I also forgot that the goalie who let the other team sneak their game-winning goal in was a team disappointment.

Because there’s not only a single person in that goal, right?

Another one of Coulter’s points is that to be considered a real sport, “personal humiliation or major injury is required.”

So because “ambulances carry off the wounded” after football games, there is a puck flying through the air at a fast speed and there are multiple pointless fights to satisfy our inner barbarian in hockey, and because in baseball and basketball there’s a “constant threat of personal disgrace,” those are real sports. Soccer players only get “a ribbon and a juice box” after games.

That’s right, soccer players aren’t constantly running around in the middle of a jungle at the height of summer with moths the size of a small child’s head flying around for 90 minutes. And I totally forgot that they don’t get multiple concussions, torn ACLs, and totally flop on the game-winning goal in the final minute of the second half. Silly me.

Coulter also believes that the only reason Americans enjoy soccer is simply because it is foreign. She never mentions anything about how it helps get people moving and staying active, or building relationships, or appreciating the fact that our country is the melting pot and made up of all different cultures and experiences. But simply because soccer is foreign, Coulter has beef with it.

I mean come on, it’s not like hockey or lacrosse originated in Canada. And there’s absolutely no way good old American football is a mix of rugby and association football, both of which originated in Britain. Oh wait…

So, Coulter, what is your ideal sport? What will be widely accepted by the American people for its individual humiliation and success and brute force? The answer: Game of Thrones’ very own Trial by Combat! Congratulations America, Coulter has figured out our next big sport to follow.

Come on people, just because you have the right to an opinion doesn’t give you the right to voice it before you legitimately think it through. There is no excuse for this kind of stupidity.

Share: Facebook / Twitter / Google+

Article comments


This item does not have any approved comments yet.

Post a comment

Please provide a full name for all comments. We don't post obscene, offensive or pure hate speech.