K-Fed burns remaining dignity

Kevin Federline is the most underrated artist in the history of music. Not The Kinks. Or Pharoahe Monch. Or Billy Joel (he's close, but that's based on appearances alone.) Kevin Federline.

There is not a single person in the music community who actually believed this album, Playing with Fire, was going to be anything short of wretched. But it's not. It's bad. But it's better than terrible (barely). Therefore, I suppose in this right he has exceeded all expectations and earned his crown as the most underrated artist. Ever. This album will never be on a "Worst Albums Of All Time" list, and this is something nobody could have predicted.

At first I was baffled. I felt handcuffed. It would be easy to write about how this album was just as bad as everyone had expected and fill in all kinds of pop-culture metaphors like K-Fed is to talent as Larry The Cable Guy is to irony. It would also be easy to write a story if this album was actually good.

But neither of these were the case. It is not tangibly good, nor is it so bad that it is actually good. Some critics might refer to this as the Snakes On A Plane Phenomenon (I am not one of these critics; Samuel L. Jackson is God.) Many might be caught off guard by this phenomenon, but after taking a better look at K-Fed it seems completely logical. K-Fed couldn't even come through on achieving fame through pure atrociousness in album form. But I, for one, am not surprised. In looking at Federline's entire existence, I am at best, under whelmed.

There is little worth writing about this album. Mediocrity is hard to examine because mediocrity is hard to define. It simply exists.

Logically, the high point of the album doesn't actually involve Federline. Guest vocalist Bosko shines through as he drops a Nate Dogg-esque on "Privilege," a solid club track that might actually become a dance club anthem.

"Dance with a Pimp" is a cliché rap/crunk song, the type of track Chingy would absolutely have sex to (given there were no Chingy CDs anywhere nearby.) "Crazy," featuring wife Britney, might actually be the worst track on the album. But it does feature Britney Spears, so I assume it will be a single.

The production on tracks such as "Lose Control" and "Privilege" is actually quite impressive. Federline shows some genuine respect to the game at times, referencing stellar songs such as "So Fresh, So Clean" by OutKast and the almost forgotten "Luv 2 Luv U" by Timbaland and Magoo. Timbaland and Big Boi could not be reached for reaction, but I can only assume it resembles apathy.

Despite Federline's quote that "There's no real, like, message on the album," there do seem to be some recurring themes. Federline seems to be obsessed with America's disdain toward him, addressing it on tracks such as "America's Most Hated" and the gem of a bonus track, "Middle Finger."

I suppose in a sense the lyrics to "Dance with a Pimp" foreshadowed my slight disdain for this CD, but Federline seems unshaken.

"Dudes hate K-Fed. Girls love K-Fed. It don't matter to me cuz K-Fed stay fed."

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