Column: He’s just not that into you, and that’s OK
While the feeling of being rejected is hard to deal with, it’s something that everyone has to face at some point in their lives.
Apr. 28, 2015
The opinions expressed by The Maneater columnists do not represent the opinions of The Maneater editorial board.
It starts with a simple look. Maybe it was from across the room at a party, or maybe it was from the seat next to you in class. Just one look and you’re hooked. You go on to find his name, maybe do some Facebook stalking and figure out what his deal is. You start to make some small gestures to show that you’re interested but receive only small hints back. You continue to pursue him with any hopes that he may just like you. But he doesn’t. And that’s okay.
It’s easy to get carried away when you meet someone who you think is the entire package. It starts small, but the more you think about him, the more you want him. You create this image in your mind of how your relationship with him is going to be perfect. Although this image is most likely completely unrealistic, you believe it because that is what you want. Fantasy is always greater than reality. The truth about this is you don’t want him; you want what you’ve created of him.
Instead of realizing that you want someone who is not physically real, you continue to believe that he is everything you’ve made him to be, which is what causes the struggle and the heartache. However, once you realize that most of what you want is what you’ve made up, you feel less pain.
Take fangirls, for example. The Directioners, the 5SOS family, the Beliebers (but does anyone really like Justin Bieber anymore?) all dedicate their lives to these famous artists who they will never actually be with. So if they’ll never actually be with these guys, why do they obsess? Because of the thrill they get from the fantasy.
Sure, it hurts to think your dream man will never feel the same about you as you do about him. But in reality, he’s really not that dreamy and you’re probably better off without him anyways. If he’s dropping hints to string you along even though he doesn’t actually want to pursue you, he’s just looking for the attention you can give him. He wants someone to boost his ego so he feels better about himself. He wants to try his moves on you so that he knows they will work when he uses them on someone else.
A lot of times in these situations, he’s not that into you because you’re too into him. Sometimes girls will act differently around the guys they like because they’re being overcautious about what they say and don’t want to do anything that could mess up that perfect picture they painted in their mind. Acting like this not only makes him uncomfortable, it also makes him look down to you, as if you as something he can get whenever he wants. As for us girls, losing the twinkle in our eyes and keeping our heartbeat steady can help us from ever letting him feel like he has the upper hand (even if, in your mind, he does).
We can stop feeling the heartache from a guy not being very interested by doing one simple thing in these situations: Keep the fantasy as a fantasy. Realize that whatever dream you thought of in your head, whether it’s him picking you up in a Lamborghini and taking you to a dinner that costs more than your monthly rent or it’s just him buying you a drink the next time you run into each other at the bar, it probably won’t happen. But this is all OK because some day, when you least expect it, someone will, and he’ll be better than the one that was always just not that into you.