Column: Mirror self comes to Columbia
Jan. 26, 2001
The opinions expressed by The Maneater columnists do not represent the opinions of The Maneater editorial board.
Picture it: March of 1994, Los Angeles Coliseum.
Now, before I start sounding like Sofia from The Golden Girls — my favorite was Blanche, especially when her niece came to town and whored around with a pilot, doctor and most of Dade County — you need to remember that Missouri was playing in the NCAA Regionals.
The team had made it to the Great Eight after downing Lawrence Moten and Syracuse and was ready to tip off against Arizona for a trip to Raleigh, N.C., and the Final Four.
My twin brother, Ryan — identical, but mirror, so I'm right handed and he's left handed, and he has a bald spot from where my heel was in the womb — was seated next to me. We hated Arizona and rooted for the Tigers, but they lost to Damon Stoudamire, Khalid Reeves and a Dylan Rigdon's through-the-legs fast break pass in the closing seconds. We got Kelly Thames' autograph and returned to San Diego.
That was the last time Ryan saw Missouri play basketball. Until this weekend. He is now a student at, of all places, the University of Arizona.
Ryan's coming to town this weekend. He's never been to Columbia, seen a Clarence Gilbert "oh, my God, why did you shoot that IT'S GOOD" jump shot or had a stretch at Broadway Diner. He needs to get a Booche's burger and listen to the story about how the Faurot Field "M" was turned into an "N" before ordering Pokey Sticks at 2 a.m.
Together, Ryan and I have been in the stands for a National League playoff series, a Super Bowl, the NCAA Tournament and the NFL playoffs. We've seen games at Yankee Stadium, Wrigley Field and Dodger Stadium.
We've been in a brawl with current Seattle SuperSonic Jelani McCoy and Bill Walton's son, Nate.
We cried when Brian Jordan hit beat the Padres with an opposite-field, playoff-winning home run in 1996. The ball landed two sections over from us.
We've seen a horse euthanized on the track and cheered because the damn favorite lost us the quiniela.
We saw Barry Sanders run for more than 300 yards in the 1988 Holiday Bowl after his Oklahoma State Cowboys were on probation and not shown on television all season. We've been to every one since.
We've seen The Rock — he was a football player at Miami then — attack San Diego State's mascot during a halftime melee.
We saw Pedro Martinez take a perfect game into the 10th inning and lose. I've driven Ryan to the hospital after he broke his arm playing pick-up basketball with Kellen Winslow's son.
We've had Rockies reliever Mike Myers autograph a truck that wasn't ours.
And now he gets to see MU/KU. Better teach him the real second part of the MIZ-ZOU cheer.