Column: Not quite entertainment
Jan. 23, 2001
The opinions expressed by The Maneater columnists do not represent the opinions of The Maneater editorial board.
A pass to MU basketball forward T.J. Soyoye bounces off his hands into section A-8. I cringe. Not necessarily because of the turnover, but because the play stoppage means a "time-out on the floor," a.k.a. time for another hideous attempt at entertainment. Amid the band and cheerleaders is a litany of lousy promotional activities to get the crowd excited. I haven't been less entertained since watching "The Weber Show," following "Friends" on Thursdays.
There's the "Move of the Game," where a kid, seated comfortably with family in section D, is dragged away and forced to sit — by himself — in the A-section. Instead of getting the crowd excited, nobody's excited about the "Move of the Game" — not even the kid being moved. If I were 8, I'd rather sit in the last row with my parents than in the A-section by myself next to some stranger screaming, "Ref, get off your knees — You're blowing the game!"
I've been to every game, and I still don't know how the ridiculous "Heavenly Ham shootout" works. The cheerleaders place down mats, the contestants choose where to shoot from, they shoot an airball, and it's over. That's it. That's the Heavenly Ham shootout: Cletus Swanson from Moberly shooting an airball. I'm baffled.
Be sure to stay seated at half time for the epitome of these torturing exhibitions. They have two mini-baskets set up, and two competing kids run with a ball to the basket — which is their height — and they drop the ball in the hoop. Then they run back, get another ball and drop it in the hoop again.
Quite frankly, it's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
What is this? Is this supposed to entertain the crowd? It's little kids running back and forth.