Column: Some trends need mending
Mar. 04, 2003
The opinions expressed by The Maneater columnists do not represent the opinions of The Maneater editorial board.
If there is one criticism to be made of Charles Darwin, it's that he took the easy way out.
Anyone can come up with a theory detailing how humans evolved from primitive life forms, but neither of my imaginary friends can explain the evolution of sports trends.
While things that threaten our existence (such as short shorts and "Who let the dogs out?") go the way of the dinosaur, how can anyone call "the wave" survival of the fittest?
Therefore, I have compiled a list of recent trends and whether they should be avoided or embraced.
Throw back apparel: Embrace
Some people may not see how the throw back craze affects the average Joe. Sure, 50 Cent looks cool partying like it's his birthday in an old school Knicks jersey, but most people don't have $500 to throw around. Don't think of it like that, but rather as a way to bust out all your old, uncool things and never go shopping again.
Person 1: "Dude, what's with the Hammer pants? And your cell phone weighs, like, 50 pounds."
Person 2: "They're throw backs, man. Don't hate."
Person 1: "Oh, my bad. You're the man."
Thunder sticks: Avoid
In case you may have forgotten, sports fans, you still have hands. This thing called "clapping" tends to make noise, too. But I guess that's not enough for some people.
"Once I get these balloons blown up, the Yankees are in trouble."
Recruiting Web sites: Avoid
Sure, people want to know whether good players are coming to their school. But do we really need to know the measurements, travel plans, favorite food, etc. of every decent high school athlete? People think John Ashcroft wants to be Big Brother, but I'm more worried about rivals.com.
College basketball fans rushing the court after wins: Embrace, just not as often
This is not a completely terrible trend. It is appropriate sometimes, such as MU's victory over No. 3 Oklahoma. However, what I dislike is that people are looking for an excuse to do it every game. Gonzaga rushed the court after beating Tulsa" Colorado rushed the court after beating MU and some kid I don't even know went nuts after one of my intramural games. Rushing the court is like a savings bond: If you want it to mean something, be patient.
American leagues playing in other countries: Embrace, unless it's the Expos
By playing games in countries such as Mexico and Japan, American leagues are making their sports more popular world-wide and expanding their talent base. Well, all except for Major League Baseball. They are sending the Expos to play in Puerto Rico for a significant portion of the year. The Expos? I thought they wanted people going to the stadium, not running from it. The Expos are what psychologists use as aversion therapy for baseball addicts.
Sports writers on TV: Embrace, please
I need this trend, people. Take jack squat, divide it by three and you have the starting salary for sports writers. I'm going to need ways to make money so I won't have to sell my body. I'll co-host a fantasy cricket show with a monkey if it will bring me some extra loot.